20 Funny Texts To Ask Someone Out

“I’d like to ask you out, but with everything closed, maybe I could ask you in?”

Originally Published: 
A young Black women laughing at a phone, sending a funny text to ask someone out.
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You're texting a new hottie, and you're ready to take things to the next level. Sure, sending memes and Spotify playlists has been cute and all, but you have, ahem, needs, and you're hoping to see your crush in person. So, after testing negative for COVID and altering your pod, you start to craft some funny texts to ask someone out.

Pre-quarantine, you could invite a date to your favorite dive bar or out with your friends. But these days, the highlight of your social life is when the mailperson comes knocking. You're excited to see your crush, but dating while social distancing can feel a little intimidating. Do you invite them over? Invite yourself over to their place? Scour the internet finding a place equidistant to both your places with outdoor dining?

While dating during a global pandemic may not be the meet-cute you once imagined, there are still tons of creative and silly ways to connect with new cuties. From socially-distance dates to picnics in parks, keeping the spark alive right now just takes an open mind and minor some pre-planning.

If you're looking for the perfect script, these 20 texts will make your crush crack up and ease any pre-date jitters.


Want to sit in my living room and think of all the places we could go if there weren't a pandemic?

I'm fantasizing about laser tag, a Ke$ha concert, and any place that serves fondue.


We should start a podcast. (Or just, like, drink wine and talk.)

Start a podcast. It's the Millennial way.


Care to help me rearrange my plants?

I am looking for someone with a green thumb and a big heart.


Want to come over to explain that GameStop thing to me?

Seriously, like five people have tried, and it still makes zero sense.


I'm pretty tired of looking at the inside of my apartment. Could I come look at the inside of your apartment?

Do you have four walls and a ceiling, too?


Are you hungry? I just ordered enough take-out for a family of four.

They packed me with eight to-go silverware packets.


I'd like to ask you out, but with everything closed, maybe I could ask you in?

I call this move: "Takeout & Makeout."


You should tell your boss your WiFi is out, so we can go get lunch.

Or just schedule all of your emails for the rest of the day.


Do you still need a haircut? I've been watching a lot of hair TikTok and feel pretty good about my abilities.

Just a trim!


I'm horrible at cooking but great at ordering Postmates. Come by later?

I promise to always get an extra side of ranch.


So, is your dog around later? I'd love to take them on a walk.

Or am I barking up the wrong tree?


Want to drink wine with my roommates? We can crank the music, eat stale peanuts, and pretend we're at a bar.

Googling "Busy restaurant sounds" to play in the background.


I've been meaning to ask you out, but I've been super busy reorganizing my spice rack.

The Tumeric won't sort itself.


If I ask you out later this week, will that be enough time to shower and find an outfit that's not sweatpants?

Honestly, I need over a week's notice.


Let's see who can make the better quarantine banana bread. The loser has to put on jeans.

Anything but pants with a fly.


Want to do work next to each other, not talk, and pretend we're at a coffee shop?

My roommate just got a frother.


I'm having a sandwich emergency. Any chance you have any sliced cheese?

Or spreads or any kind.


If I ask you out, will that ruin our pen pal thing?

I want to talk the talk, not text the text.


Quarantine has me losing track of time. Did I ask you out yet?

The flirty version of, "Circling back to my last email."


Do you have any errands you need to run today? I'm looking for any excuse to get out of my apartment.

And to see you in the process.

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