Dating

11 Texts To Send When You Didn’t Hit It Off On A First Date

“Wishing you the best of luck in finding your soulmate, but it ain’t me.”

A person sits outside looking down at their phone. It's OK to text someone that you don't actually want a second date.
martin-dm/E+/Getty Images

You were skeptical of your date’s IRL charms before you even ordered appetizers, and by the time you got the check, you wish you’d swiped left. There’s a 0% chance of a second date, and you’d like to make that clear without a ghosting sitch. Sending the right text after a first date when you’re definitely not interested can help you and your date move on to the next one.

“Being clear, open, and direct will elevate your status as a great communicator,” says Jennifer B. Rhodes, Psy.D., a psychologist with the mental health provider Alma. In other words, being honest instead of playing gymnastics with your words will leave you feeling less like a jerk. And a little straight-forwardness now will go a long way toward shutting down any false hope they might have about sliding into your future DMs.

If you just weren’t feeling it, how do you let someone down easy without giving them false hope? It’ll save future you a lot of headaches to be direct, but you might not want to go full-out “It’s not me, it’s you” if it wasn’t the worst first date ever. Instead, you can try these 11 texts to send when you’re not interested after your first date.

1

“I had fun, but I’m cottagecore and you’re mid-century modern.”

You should have known you wouldn’t be on the same page when they said they’re a dyed in the wool vegan and your favorite weeknight activity is a barbecue bar crawl. This text lets them know that you don’t think they’re an awful person, but opposites simply don’t attract in this case.

2

“I loved dinner, but I don’t think we’re a match.”

It’s cool to let them know if you actually enjoyed yourself. But if the sparks just aren’t flying, shut down second-date planning with something politely distant. “I see our connection as more of a friendship and hope we can remain in touch,” Rhodes suggests.

3

“You’re super cool, but I didn’t feel that spark I’m looking for.”

You really did have a decent time with them — it just wasn’t the fireworks vibe you’ve been trying to swipe right on. Let them know gently and head back to your fave dating app.

4

“The chemistry was hotter in my high school chem class.”

You’ve accepted some awkward silence as part of the first date package, but when there’s no flirty eye contact to go along with it, it’s time to swipe left IRL.

5

“Friendship sounds good. But that’s all I'm looking for with you.”

It might be tempting to add “right now” to the end of this text, but that might make your former date think it’s more about bad timing than their not-so-great kissing skills. Rhodes says that being direct is usually a lot less messy in the long run.

6

“We’re at different places in our lives — like, freeway versus parking lot different.”

It’s not just that their hobbies are different than yours — their whole in-bed-by-nine-awake-by-five vibe just isn’t where you’re at right now.

7

“I respect your time and don’t want to waste it with a second date.”

Do you actually respect their time? Maybe, maybe not. But the real point is, a second date just isn’t making it onto your to-do list.

8

“Wishing you the best of luck in finding your soulmate — but it ain’t me.”

You can say something nice without wanting to actually become friends with the person, Rhodes says. Bon voyage.

9

“We’re just really different people.”

It’s disappointing enough that they like skiing while you’d rather be on the beach — but it’s their politics that made you want to up and leave the bar. You don’t have to throw down about the latest legislation to let them know that it’s just never going to happen.

10

“We’re not a great match, but my best friend would totally love your vibe.”

If you were sitting at that coffee shop thinking that this person would be perfect for your bestie, Rhodes says you can be upfront about that. Inviting them to a bigger social gathering will take the pressure off, in case your friend isn’t feeling it, either.

11

“It’s not you, it’s your travel plans.”

You’re really ready to settle down, and they can’t stop talking about their plan to be bi-coastal for the foreseeable forever. They’re cute, but not leave-your-dreams-behind-and-travel-with-them-after-one-date cute.

Experts:

Jennifer B. Rhodes, Psy.D., psychologist with mental health provider Alma