It's Monday, and you need a little something to get you through it. We've all been there. (In fact, we're all here right now.) But no matter how dead inside you feel, the picture of this Colorado cop who stopped a baby owl in the road for a few standard questions will restore your faith in humanity and frankly, the entire world.
How can we be sure our general public is safe with renegade birds just walking around the streets with no purpose, acting like they own the asphalt? Just kidding. Being stopped by cops, even when doing nothing wrong, is actually super scary. Has it happened to you? It's happened to me...a lot. It's a large reason I'm not wild about flying, because TSA "randomly selects" me for extra screening "literally every flight I've ever flown," and even though I'm never doing anything illegal, I get hugely nervous and paranoid. Did I remove all my dozens of pocket knives from bags while still at home? Are there trace amounts of weed dust on my hands? How does my hair look? So seriously, I mean it when I say I feel for this owl. He's out there living and the man's gotta come down on him like that.
Check out the altercation and see what I mean:
Those big owl eyes, though. They're holding secrets. That much is obvious. I used my background in Science and Guessing to develop a highly intellectual list of probable causes for the owl's fear. Just what was he up to? I have a few hunches.
He was a prison drug mule
Beneath his tiny wings, this owl — who we'll call Chauncey — has a few baggies of rolled joints. It isn't a highly offensive drug to smuggle into the prison system, but one that would be welcomed nonetheless. Here we see Chauncey about to get caught just living his truth.
He was en route to Bed, Bath & Beyond with a bevy of coupons
Everyone likes to bond over their hate for all those BB&B coupons the USPS forces upon us. Here we see Chauncey, who carefully clipped and collected enough to warrant a visit. He is looking for a dehumidifier in particular to help deal with his apartment's pest problem.
He was en route to to Captain D's with a bevy of coupons
OK, Chauncey loves a bargain with his big box shopping. But that doesn't mean he's proud of it.
He was walk-of-shaming
Chauncey threw down at the Jeezy show last night, met a cute out-of-towner, crashed in their hotel, and is slowly — painfully — waddling home. Until the cop stops him and he's forced to explain himself despite a throbbing, hangover headache.
He's just a little high
Which would explain so much.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(5)
