Ariana Grande Is Scaring Me Right Now

Ariana Grande released another Christmas song today. She's like "The 12 Days of Christmas," but instead of turtledoves and pipers piping, she keeps gifting us with music. I'll take it. Grande's "Snow In California" is a message for Santa Claus. Oh, I like any song that's a heart-to-heart between a singer and Mr. Claus. What's the topic of convo? Grande wants Santa to bring snow to California so her boyfriend can stay in town. She asks the Claus to use his snow powers to delay the BF's flight.

Musically, this song serves 1990s Christmas magic, so yes, I'm a fan. Of course I am. I love everything she does. Grande is perfect.

But the lyrics strike fear in my heart.

The thought of Santa bringing flight-delaying snow to California is a lot for me to process. I assume she's singing about Southern California, because duh, it snows in NorCal. So. Snow here. In Los Angeles. Woof. I'm not sure I want it to snow in SoCal. Call me a Scrooge, call me a Grinch, call me a fuddy-duddy, but snow stresses me out. Yes, snow is beautiful and yes, I like being around it every once in a while, but I am not used to it. And SoCal is not used to it. L.A. loses its mind when it rains for five minutes. I don't know what it'd do if snow happened.

Wait. Has snow happened in Los Angeles? Let me look… Cue research montage.

Okay. According to a person on Yahoo Answers (my most trusted resource), the last L.A. snow was in 1962. However, two separate Yahoo Answerers said they saw hints of snow in the Valley back in 1989. I don't want to get in a "the Valley is/is not L.A." debate. Let's just leave it at "it rarely snows in Los Angeles." Whew, research is tough.

I love cold weather, but my idea of "cold weather" is "50° F." I grew up in the desert. I can't remember the last time I saw real snow. The other night, I was at one of the L.A. outdoor malls while they were spraying fake snow into the sky. Everyone at the mall went wild for the fake snow. I assume it was fake snow. When some of the faux-snow hit my shoulder, I seized up. "Is this real?" I asked my boyfriend. "Are you serious?" he responded. I don't know, I thought.

Am I pathetic? Probably. But who wants someone like me driving in the snow or trying to throw together a snow outfit? I don't know if I have snow-proof shoes. I don't own rain boots. What'll the snow mean for holiday travel plans? How does one drive in snow? What would happen to the freeways? Do we have to salt the roads? I've seen that in movies. Eesh, I'm clueless. Grande, it's probably in L.A.'s best interest that I am no where near snow.

Ugh, I feel bad. If Grande convinces Santa to make it snow in L.A., so be it. I don't want to salt her game. I guess I could just lock up the windows and doors and stay inside until the snow passes. Okay, okay. You caught me. I'd totally go outside and play in the snow. As scary as it may be, I can't resist the winter magic that is snowfall. Go ahead, Santa. Make it snow in California. I'll make due. I'll find some snow-proof shoes.