I've been a huge fan of Full House for as long as I can remember, from the time that waiting for a boy to call you on your home phone was an actual thing you had to worry about to 2015. These days, it's hard to watch Full House without remembering how quintessentially '90s it is, and I can't help but wonder if it would actually survive if premiered today instead. We'll get a bit of an idea when Fuller House hits Netflix in 2016, but what about the original show? The heart of the show — a family pulling together after a tragedy and the wacky hijinks that ensue when three clueless guys try to raise three daughters — is still something that people can relate to today. But the characters and the things they do? They'd need to change a little to keep audiences interested today. (Except for Uncle Jesse, of course. Uncle Jesse is hot in any year, ever, the end.)
The adorable (and expensive) San Francisco house would remain the same, and so would Comet, because that dog is timeless. Everything else, though? Major changes would have to be made if the show wanted a chance at surviving on network TV.
Danny could still be a clean freak talk show host, but with a few subtle changes. He'd probably use a Swiffer instead of a mop, and he'd have his iPhone tracking the girls' every move, since he's clearly the OG helicopter parent. He'd be checking his daughter's grades online every five minutes, and major talks that end in a hug from dad would happen every time their grades slipped below a C.
Uncle Jesse & Aunt Becky
There is no way that, in 2015, Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky are living in that house with all those people. If they want to continue their codependence on the Tanners, they're probably living in the townhouse next door and Jesse would constantly be checking Jesse And The Rippers' hits on Spotify.
Instead of trying to make the standup thing happen, Joey would totally be a YouTube star who hosts his own talk show with Mr. Woodchuck, completely obsessed with getting his views and followers up so that a talent scout would notice him. There would definitely be an episode where he stalks Tyler Oakley in a grocery store and harasses him for tips.
DJ, Stephanie, & Michelle
DJ wouldn't be begging Danny for her own phone in her room — she'd be bugging him for the iPhone 7 before their contract was up. Stephanie and Michelle wouldn't be trying to read her diary — they'd be determined to find her secret Twitter account that she keeps from her family. They'd probably try to Catfish D.J. with a fake cute boy profile, and it would work. Best episode EVER.
Kimmy would definitely still be obnoxious, but in the 2015 way. She'd be that girl with the selfie stick out at every occasion who updates her Facebook status every time she breathes, but somehow, she'd still be lovable. After all, she's a good friend, she's just that friend. And instead of being in love with Tiffany, DJ and Kimmy would probably be sneaking out to Taylor Swift concerts with posters of Harry Styles all over their walls. And I definitely wouldn't hate it.
Actually, can we make this a real thing? I'd totally watch.
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