How To Give A Good Hand Job, According To A Man

The hand job: some guys love them, others don’t understand the appeal, believing the service is merely masturbation with someone else’s hand as a placeholder. I happen to subscribe to the former group, as I myself am proof that the male species can develop strong feelings for this manual method when it’s done right. While sure, any man can give himself a good hand job to completion, there’s a lack of intimacy when another person isn’t present, and that, for me, is enough to solidify a fondness — but only as a means of foreplay, I’d still like access to the vagina as well. I will, however, settle for a discrete handy should that be the only viable option given the circumstance (i.e. under a blanket on a road trip.)

I’ve been on the receiving end of enough hand jobs to know what’s being done right, and what’s being done wrong in terms of technique. I also happen to be OK with my own hands because, well, I was very single for a while. So with that, I present to you the guy’s guide to what a man wants in a hand job, complete with hand job tips, and a better idea of what you probably shouldn't ever do.

1. Engage Him

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The worst thing a woman can possibly do in the bedroom is appear completely disinterested in what's going on. This may make a man feel insecure about himself, and ultimately opt for porn. Even if a hand job isn’t your favorite thing to do, don’t let him see that that’s the case. And by this I mean looking away from your man while stroking his dick with the enthusiasm of Kristen Stewart when she does anything. Some ways to perk up a standard handy are to: (1) look at him as you stroke, (2) lube him up with spit. It really doesn’t take much. We’re easy!

2. Lube Him Up

If your man is uncircumcised, he’s not going to need lube as his foreskin acts as a sleeve for easy masturbation — think of it as a “lubrication included!” sticker on a hot-ticket item. However, if he’s not, this is where lube becomes necessary, because no guy wants a dry hand job. Plus, lube makes the job easier for you. When it comes to what kind of lube you should use, dudes aren’t all that picky, so use whatever’s safe and available — even hand cream will do.

3. Use Both Hands, And Do The Twist

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No matter how small or big your man is in the penis-size department, every guy wants to believe he’s the latter, and you can help him out in this respect by using both hands while jerking his joystick. If both of your hands don’t fit on his shaft when on top of each other, wrap your forefinger and thumb around the base of the shaft — forming a cock ring of sorts — and fondle his balls as your other hand does the stroking. You don’t have to do this kind of thing for long, but it shows him that you’re not so one-dimensional (or one-handed) in your technique. 

However, if working with two hands isn’t your thing, you can always throw him a curve ball by gently twisting your hand and wrist as you stroke downward (you might have seen this done in porn — my advice: use half of the aggression she does, don't freak him out. If he likes it though, by all means, get rougher!), this little twist not only feels fantastic, but displays a talent that won’t go unappreciated.

4. Hit The Right Spot(s) 

If you want to give a good handy, you have to incorporate the balls. And by this I mean you need to do more than jingling his scrotum like a bag of marbles. A nice way to work his balls is to place them in your palm and gently roll them around as if they’re — not the greatest visual, but — a pair of eggs. The closer he gets to orgasm, try tugging on them as you would snatching a grape from a vine.

As for the penis itself, things feel best on his coronal ridge, which is where the head meets the shaft. To hit this spot, use your forefinger and thumb to creating the aforementioned cock ring and twist your hand over the area as if you’re unscrewing a bottle cap.

5. Don’t Assume You Can Go Near Our Butts

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There’s been a lot of talk in the media about men and anal play — that it makes the male orgasm that much better, and every man should try it for that reason. Only... some of us don’t want to. Like, not even a little. Don’t assume that because editorials tell us that all men have better orgasms if they’re asses are played with that all men will be open to you touching his anus or perineum (the space between his butt and balls). If you want to test your limits down there, slowly work your way down toward that area. If he stops you, you know where he stands. 

He might be curious about the prospect, but would prefer you both build more of a relationship before you try things out. Or, depending on your relationship and degree of closeness with the guy, be as blunt as you want about it and ask if he’s curious. If he is, great — just ask him to shower.

6. Don’t Go Fast  At Least Until The End 

Working a guy’s penis like a Shake Weight doesn’t feel as good as you might think. Sure, porn stars use this technique, but that’s because porn is a production, and watching a gal go to town on a dick the size of a baseball bat is much more visually appealing than having her nurse the thing like a newborn — which, coincidentally, is the same size.

Likewise, I’m sure you have had guys do something similar and finger you like he's operating a jackhammer, and, like for us, this tends to become too aggressive. So my best advice for the hand job would be to grab it as you would a not-quite-ripe banana (yes, another fruit metaphor), and stroke upward and downward with the vigor in which you like to be fingered. But when he’s about to come, this is when you can get your Shake Weight on and stroke that thing fast; he’ll shoot twice as hard if you increase your aggression after he gives you the “I’m going to come” line of courtesy.

 Of course, every man is different, but a mature, confident man will let you know what's being done right.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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Image: icanteachyouhowtodoit/Flickr; Giphy

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