Grandmas Review Sex Toys, Showing Us That They Have Way Higher Standards Than The Rest Of Us — VIDEO

Marta Marzotto (R), maternal grandmother of Beatrice Borromeo, and Fernanda Casiraghi leave the Hotel Des Iles Borromees for the religious wedding ceremony of Pierre Casiraghi, Prince Albert II of Monaco's nephew, with Beatrice Borromeo on August 1, 2015, in Stresa, on the Lake Maggiore in northern Italy. Casiraghi and Borromeo had their civil wedding in Monaco on July 25. AFP PHOTO / GIUSEPPE CACACE (Photo credit should read GIUSEPPE CACACE/AFP/Getty Images)
Source: GIUSEPPE CACACE/AFP/Getty Images

If there's a list of conversation topics you don't expect to hear every day, grandmas reviewing sex toys is pretty high up there. It's not that it's weird for older women to have sex — as a future old woman myself, I am strongly in favor of grandmothers gettin' it on all day, erryday. (If Hugh Hefner can do it, I can too.) On the other hand, I associate grandmothers with, like, banana pudding, weak coffee, and Elizabeth Taylor movies —  basically, anything but sex toys, which is what makes this video so unexpected.

The editors at Cosmopolitan, though, are blessed with more imagination than the rest of us. They plopped three grandmothers in front of a camera, added some sex toys, and hit record, and the results were truly amazing. Seriously. It starts with a 70-year-old woman saying she "welcomes the opportunity to peruse them," and ends with another grandmother complaining about how sex toys were better "back in the day," because every gathering of the elderly is required by law to include that phrase at least once. (OK, so it's not really required by law, but it certainly seems like it is.)

On the other hand, they have some pretty insightful comments to make. "It looks like a speaker for my iPhone," Mary said of the Minna Limon vibrator, proving that even seniors are surgically attached to their smartphones these days.

They didn't try out the vibrator onscreen, because that would take the video veering wildly into porn territory, but the Limon got a thumbs up from Mary and Deborah. Uzni, however, remained unimpressed.

All three women were baffled by the uniquely-shaped Crave Duet vibrator, and frankly, they're not the only ones. It looks like a decidedly unsexy rubber tuning fork attached to a USB port. "Why don't you just fuck your computer?" asked Deborah.

Grandmas: Bringing you uncomfortably real questions since 1945.

The panel remained unmoved even by more traditional sex toys like the Magic Wand and the Rabbit, which is pure blasphemy. Who knew grandmothers would be so hard to please?

Check out the video below, unless you happen to have a grandmother named Deborah, Uzni, or Mary. In that case, you might be in for a rude shock, so I would stock up on brain bleach first.

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Images: Cosmopolitan/YouTube (2)

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