Last week I revisited a timeless adolescent classic, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, for my bad movie rewatch. Though I am wont to tear films and their idiosyncrasies apart, there's no denying that The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is a perfect film about the bonds of female friendship. However, its follow-up, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, falls a liiiittle flat... that, and like, there are a lot of side-eye worthy moments within this film.
Now, put down your torches and pitchforks and let me explain. The problem with The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 is in the fact that it basically combines the last three books in the series, and that makes for a pretty confusing plot. It's well-intentioned, of course... but it just doesn't work.
Still, aside from Bridget's tearjerking episode about reuniting with her grandmother, everyone's plot fails to impress. While Carmen showcasing confidence and broaching self-discovery is great, I really couldn't care less about her British beau and constant whining. Tibby having intimacy issues? What a twist. And really, Lena, you're gonna go back to Kostas? Dude can't even pronounce your name right.
Whatever, here's a chronological recap of the madness.
1. We Start Where We Left Of...With Carmen Wearing Jeans To Her Parent's Freaking Wedding.
This girl has no concept of "semi-formal," I swear to god.
2. Kostas Showing Up To His Ex's Funeral With His New Allegedly Pregnant Wife.
I know things are different in Greece, but proper social decorum would suggest this is a dick move.
3. Somehow Carmen Isn't In The Know That All Her BFFs Has Summer Plans.
And seriously, Bridget, an archaeological dig, since when did you show a passion for archaeology?
4. Lena's Previously Non-Existent Little Sister Lucy Hale Shows Up To Stir Up The Pot.
So we're keeping track, this is now a movie that features Rory Gilmore, Ugly Betty, Serena van der Woodsen, Joan of Arcadia, and Aria Montgomery.
5. Kyle. McLachlan's. Hair.
A world of no.
6. Lena Is Going To RISD On Scholarship.
Yeah, no, this seems fair.
7. The Way Brian Says "I Love You" And Then Romantically Pulls Off Tibby's Wig.
It's something we've all dreamed of before.
8. The Fact That Tibby's Pregnancy Scare Plot Should've Ended At "The Condom Broke."
"Oh, that sucks, let me go down to one of the 20 drug stores on my block and get some Plan B." END OF STORY.
9. "It Really Doesn't Get To You, Does It?"
"What? No. Why would digging up people who died thousands of years ago get to me? Stop trying to ruin this. You're bumming me out, man."
10. This Ancient Technology.
Seriously, though, did Bridget dig these up on one of her archaeological digs?
11. Wow, That No-Washing Rule Is Really Taking Its Toll.
Pictured: the "magic" from the pants.
12. Tibby's Post-Sex Freak Out After Being Surrounded By An Onslaught of Babies."
I could go six months without talking to a man, let alone anyone else — but this is still my expression after walking around Greenpoint on Stroller Sunday.
13. She Then Prays To Get Get Period.
While wearing the pants. That they never wash.
14. "Hey, Haven't Seen You In 12 Years, Why Don't You Just Run Upstairs?"
"I'm just going to finish fixing my car in the dark."
15. "There Was No Choice But To Be Married."
OMG, WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE?
16. New Sister Character Grabs Dinner With Tibby To Ask If She Can Boink Her Ex.
She's definitely taking the classy route here.
17. Brian Then Shows Up To His Ex's Parents' Anniversary Party With Her Friend's 16-Year-Old Sister As His Date.
But I'm sure you could deduce that simply from looking at this picture and seeing that he's wearing a fedora.
18. "Carmen, If There's Anyone I've Been Wanting To Go Out With, It's You."
"I just haven't gotten the nerve to ask over all our romantic picnics and giggle-filled dinners."
19. "That Night I Think I Felt A Little More Than I Bargained For. Maybe I Thought I Was Being Punished For Feeling Too Much."
These are the bangs that I want.
20. "Hey Lena, Was Feeling Really Shitty About How You Always Ignore Me So I Stole Your Ugliest Pair Of Jeans."
"K, LOVE YOU, BAAAAAI."
21. "Oh, well, thank God for e-mail! You can have an entire relationship and not even look at somebody."
I know, it's my favorite.
22. So IDK, Then They All Just Go To Greece.
And basically impose on Lena's poor YiaYia. CLASSIC AMERICANS.
23. "Let's Do The Thelma And Louise Ending."
Images: Alcon Entertainment (24)