New relationships are a fun time. Your sanity eclipses, your brain can only think in sequences of hypothetical futures, you're ripe with stories of how "meant to be" you are, and there is little that can be done to quell your delusion. It is likewise a time of agony and ecstasy for your Best Friend. The truth is that there are few if any other moments in life where best friend duties go soaring to the forefront of importance, so the few times where you need them to be creeps on Facebook and assistant wedding planners and makeshift therapists while you work out all your #issues aren't just favors — they're a call to BFF arms.
There is no denying the crucial role your best friend plays in any new relationship. They are your emotional gatekeeper, and basically the third wheel your new significant other could not shake off if they tried. All of this, married (ehem) to the fact that your BFF no longer has the #1 spot in your life/phone/bed/heart, it's a time of true upheaval and change for everyone involved. Here are all the things that happen when your best friend starts dating someone new:
You Become The Third Wheel In The Best Way Possible
You try to maneuver your way into as many hangouts as you can, you jump into Skype dates, you wait and hope for leftovers from date nights. You start to see this relationship as a budding new friend who is obligated to like you and do whatever you want to keep you from whispering "leave them" in your BFF's ear. You think: the Universe has brought a human that may take my favorite human away from me. Might as well milk this for all it's worth in the meantime.
You Start Planning Maid Of Honor Duties
It's exactly three days into the relationship. You stop, amid creating a list of potential guests, to ask what their last name is. You weigh it against your best friend's first. "Sounds good." You tell her you're going to come to taste cake samples. You start complaining about how you don't want your hair done the way you know she wants your hair done and that one awful bridesmaid who should not be a bridesmaid. The fire of a thousand matrimonial suns starts to burn within you, because the only thing more fun/spiritually taxing than your own wedding is your best friend's.
You Compare Their New Fling To Their Three Most Recent Exes (And The One Who Got Away)
"S/He kind of seems like a mix of [rando you dated in college that you liked] but with all the qualities that [long lost love of your life who you thought you'd never get over] has, which is perfect." You do a full-fledge analysis of their personality, comparing and contrasting to all the people with whom your BFF's personality jived and collided. This, you know, is part of your duty.
You Start Talking About Their Relationship As Though You're Somehow Part Of It
"That's just not going to work for us," is a thing that has escaped from your mouth, in the context of something your BFF's boyfriend is doing that you nor your BFF completely approve of. You think of it this way: if s/he is part of your best friend's life, they're part of your life, too. This is a one package deal. And everybody should know it right from the get-go.
You Threaten Their New Lover With Your Presence, Influence, And Power
You are the gatekeeper to her psyche, and don't you think for one second that every potential suitor does not know this. You must get on the best friend's good side, for if you do not, you will be bound to a life of mild suffering and emotional pain. They know how much power and influence you exert over their love lives, and you take it upon yourself to wield that to your own personal benefit. (Or just to see them squirm and laugh.)
You Creep On Them More Than Your BFF Does
Who is this person? Do they have single siblings? Where is the family from — aka where will your BFF possibly move/where will you be visiting every third weekend? Who are the exes? How do they stack up to your beautiful precious bestie? (Probably not at all, let's be honest.) You need to know all of the info she may be too uncomfortable (read: sane) to seek out for herself. Alas, a burden you must bear.
You Have The Traditional "I'm Never Going To Find Love" Freak Out
This is true of every single person who has ever had a best friend find love: you have that moment, though you probably pretend you don't, of "oh my god she's leaving I'm alone I'll never have love I hate my life/her/this." It passes, but you have it. We all do.
You Start To Plot How You're Going To Find Other Friends
It's not that she's leaving your life (NEVER), but the truth is that she has another priority that may bump you out of first place. You're not happy about it, but you're dealing with it (and you're trying to get over it now so you don't resent the kids even more). There is never a time in which you realize just how few friends you have like when one of them starts dating someone. Sigh.