Jesse Eisenberg is a man of many talents. An Academy-Award nominated actor, playwright and author, Eisenberg can pretty much do anything in the art world, but did you know he can also kill a man with a utensil? OK, so that's not entirely true, but in his new movie American Ultra , Eisenberg plays a stoner/sleeper agent who can actually kill a man with a spoon — and frozen hamburger patties, a dustpan, etc. Director Nima Nourizadeh made an effort to make all of the crazy ways Jesse Eisenberg kills people in American Ultra in the stoner comedy/action/romance as strange as possible, keeping them grounded in everyday items one might grab in a life or death situation.
"You're never going to expect a person to hurt anyone with some noodles and a spoon. But when you do see it, you're like, 'Wow, that's pretty graphic and skillful.' I wanted it to feel like this real surprise," Nourizadeh told the New York Times.
The use of mundane objects to brutally murder people was one of the driving creative forces throughout the film. To write the climactic fight scene, American Ultra screenwriter Max Landis took a walk through WalMart — the fight sequence takes place at a superstore not unlike the massive chain — and made a list of all the ways someone could use a random object on a shelf to defend themselves, he told USA Today. There are many different ways Eisenberg's Mike uses everyday objects to kill in American Ultra — here are some of the weirdest. (Spoilers ahead!)
Cup of Noodles To The Face
In one of the earlier fight scenes in the film, Mike, who is unaware of his super spy capabilities, throws a steaming hot Cup of Noodles into a man's face, incapacitating him long enough for Mike to go in for the kill. Who knew a good old Cup o' Noodles was good for something other than keeping college students alive?
Spoon To The Throat
After knocking out one bad guy with a cup of boiling soup, Mike uses the spoon he was eating with to kill the other bad guy. He jams the spoon into the guy's neck, cutting off his airflow and causing his lungs to explode.
Dustpan To The Throat
Fighting for your life can be messy, so it makes sense that Mike would use a cleaning tool to sever a man's neck. JK, it's about as gross as it is awesome.
Cleaver To The Head
Mike may be able to kill a man using only a spoon, but that doesn't mean he has to be creative all the time. There's nothing like the old cleaver in the brain if you really want to murder someone.
Frozen Hamburger Patties
In one scene, Mike uses a bag of hardened, frozen hamburger patties to beat two people to death. I suppose that's one way to get them to thaw. (Get it?)
At one point in the film, Mike decides to go big or go home. He gets behind the wheel of an army van and drives it straight into CIA headquarters, all the while firing fireworks at the bad guys. I don't know how effective shooting fireworks at random would be in actually killing people, but it would certainly be colorful. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Old Frying Pan Trick
Because who hasn't thrown a frying pan up into the air, fired a bullet that then ricocheted off said pan, going straight through the chest of a threatening gunman? Damn. I bet Bond couldn't even make that shot. Does smoking weed actually enhance your hand-eye coordination?
Thrusting A Dude's Face Into A Lightbulb Display
During the aforementioned superstore fight scene, Mike grabs a guy's face and runs it right through a display of illuminated energy efficient lightbulbs. Just think of the cuts...or don't. OUCH.
Honorary Mention: Connie Britton's character, CIA agent Victoria Lasseter, doesn't think twice when she uses a huge, fluffy, hugable teddy bear as a silencer to shoot an assassin. True #Boss.
After reading through this list, there's really only one course of action to take: surrender to the Eisenberg, and do it fast.
Images: Lionsgate; Giphy (5)