Is Porn Making Men Bad In Bed?

Dudes who are looking for excuses as to why they watch so much porn could say that, in addition to helping them get off, it teaches them new moves to practice on the ladies they sleep with in real life. But apparently that theory is pretty suspect. In an interview for HuffPost Live, writer Naomi Wolf suggests that the overconsumption of porn has really made men suck in bed. "Many women are reporting, complaining actually, that men raised on watching porn have lost sexual skills with women," Wolf says. "They don't do that touch, they don't take their time, they don't do the things that arouse the autonomic nervous system in women."

I agree with Naomi Wolf on pretty much nothing, but I think she’s on to something here. Men have been creating pornographic material since the beginning of time (the first pornos were carved or drawn in caves approximately one zillion years ago), but the accessibility of porn has increased significantly in the past few years. It’s not like men have to wait until the entire house is empty and pop a tape into the VHS player anymore. Guys of all ages can watch porn on their iPads, phones, or laptops on the go. I’ve seen men watching porn at the airport and at Starbucks.

Wolf notes the “kink spiral,” or a desensitization to “vanilla” sex, that men who consume a lot of porn experience. “What it does to men over time — and I'm not making a moral judgment — is that it makes them less attracted to their partner," she says. "What turned you on a month ago isn't arousing anymore so you need more and more extreme images."

Even if you’ve got the kinkiest chick on the block, there’s no way that women can keep up with the millions of different fantasies available on the Internet, and it makes sense that an overwhelming use of porn could contribute to men’s inability to enjoy regular, in-person sex, no matter how racy it is.

This isn’t to suggest that porn is inherently bad, though. Some feminists believe that there is no place at all for porn in an equalized relationship, but I don’t think that’s true. Naomi Wolf doesn’t seem to be considering here that women also watch porn, with and without their partners.

But, while porn can definitely be used in a healthy way in an equitable and adventurous sex life, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t potentially addictive or that it doesn’t normalize unrealistic standards about sex and women's bodies. Labiaplasty, breast implants, and even anal bleaching are relatively common procedures as more and more women want to look like the “fantasies” men see in X-rated movies. Though it's not as if the, um, anatomy of a typical male porn star is especially representative.

Dudes aren’t going to stop watching porn, so it’s probably best that we make peace with its existence. If you suspect that your guy is struggling with porn addiction, encourage him to go see a psychiatrist. If he asks you to bleach your anus or have the lips of your vagina altered to look like Jenna Jameson's, encourage him to find another girlfriend.