‘Scandal’ Winter Finale: So. Much. Happened.

by Emma Cueto

Deck the halls with lots of Scandal. Falalalala. So much happened on the winter finale of Scandal that it was almost a relief to have the commercial breaks so that we could catch our breaths. Almost. Because, of course, we have all too much time to catch our breathe now, given that Scandal won’t return until Feb. 27, presumably because of its shorter season, which will allow the inimitable Kerry Washington to have what will surely be a truly perfect baby.

So Thursday's episode will have to hold us over for a long time, but it might just be enough to do it. After all, Sally is a murderer, Fitz has grown a spine, Eli has all sorts of cause for a rampage, Mama Pope might beat him to it, and let’s not even talk about what’s going on with Quinn. But let’s take a tour shall we? And hopefully we’ll have fully processed all of it by Christmas.

Sally Killed Her Husband

We knew it was coming, but still… she, like, totally killed him. With a letter opener. Then she has just has enough tome to call Cyrus and jerkily manage some religious sentiments before going practically catatonic while Cyrus calls B6-13 (aka Quinn and Charlie) to cover the whole thing up.

Cyrus Loses It

It’s not like he hasn’t earned the right, but of all the things to crack up, I never would have figured it’d be this. I mean, he’s an awful person, but taking Sally’s devil comment – which wasn’t even directed at him – to heart is going a bit far. Thank God Mellie was around to tell him to pull himself together and to handle Sally in the mean time.

David Rosen Says to Abby “I put parts of my body inside parts of your body”

It’s completely unimportant, plot-wise. But we may never stop screaming “EEEEEWWW!”

Fitz Detains Eli Pope

Can Fitz even do that? Like, have him arrested and stashed at the Pentgon until Maya Pope gets to Hong Kong. I know that the president can’t hang out at the Pentagon all day chatting with his mistress’s father. Though I’ll allow it because Eli Pope manages to do a truly spectacular take down of dear Fitzgerald Grant in the process, ending in the perfect statement, “You disappoint me as a suitor for my daughter’s hand.” And Fitz actually maintains a spine throughout, suggesting the no-longer-a-whiney-man-child version of his character might be sticking around. Hooray! But no, seriously, need to watch that speech about eight billion more times.

Quinn What Are You Doing?

It’s hard to really blame her, considering, but Quinn is making more terrible choices. When she finally slips away from Charlie and B6-13 to go back to the office, Huck refuses to apologize and tells her she’s not a gladiator anymore. It’s not terribly surprising she goes back to B6-13 and Charlie, but I still can’t see it ending well.

The Truth About Mama Pope

Have we finally gotten to the bottom of who Olivia’s mother is? It seems so. Because international hell raiser/gun for hire who married Eli Pope to steal secrets, got caught, and managed to trick him into needlessly blowing up passenger plane by lying about a bomb…yeah, that all seems like it can’t get any bigger. And once Olivia figures it out, it even produces something like an actual father-daughter connection between Olivia and Eli. They’ve both been fooled by her. And now she’s in the wind, having shot the pilots on her plane and vanished.

The Last Ten Minutes

The last ten minutes could be their own episode. Jake kisses Olivia, tell her he loves her, and leaves. Sally says that Daniel Douglas deserved what he got, and it’s anyone’s guess if she’ll make a go for president in spite of Mellie’s expertly subtle blackmail. David Rosen gets possible proof that Sally killed her husband. Olivia and her father have an actually nice (though strange) phone conversation. Cyrus gives James a job as Press Secretary because he doesn’t want him to leave. They also need a bigger bed. Fitz has put Jake in as the new head of B6-13 (can he even do that? I am confused) so Eli’s totally going to kill them both. Oh, and Mama Pope is back in D.C. So that couldn’t possibly go badly, right?

Feb. 27, you cannot come soon enough.

Image: ABC