Transforming Taylor Swift Lyrics Into Phoebe Buffay Lyrics For An Album You'd Never Forget
I'm really not sure what we're going to do now that Taylor Swift's iconic 1989 tour is over. Every performance brought a flurry of anticipation and excitement as we waited to see who would be rocking out on stage with her. Every time, we thought she couldn't possibly outdo herself — and every night she did. During her final sold out show at LA's Staples Center she brought out the best musician to date, and, no, I am not talking and Taylor Swift singing with Justin Timberlake. I mean someone even more iconic, with unparalleled songwriting skills. I'm talking of course about how Swift performed "Smelly Cat" with Lisa Kudrow — the one and only Phoebe Buffay.
Singing the song every Friends fan knows by heart, they transported us to a world where T. Swift can cover the hits from Central Perk. You know what that means. If Swift can cover Phoebe, then couldn't Phoebe cover Swift? Go with me on this. What if we lived in a glorious world where we had Taylor Swifts lyrics covered by Phoebe Buffay? Not that much could improve upon her lyrics, but getting them Phoebe-ified would certainly give them more character.
I have some ideas for what that would sound like, and it's a musical comedy delight. Here are six iconic Taylor Swift lyrics, translated into Phoebe-speak.
1. "Bad Blood"
THE LYRIC: "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes. You say sorry just for show."
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION: "Band-Aids don't fix missing thumbs. You can't hitchhike just for fun."
2. "Blank Space"
THE LYRIC: "Screaming, crying, perfect storms, I could make all the tables turn."
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION: "Pinching, cramped, bleeding toes, I could make these free shoes fit."
3. "Everything Has Changed"
THE LYRIC: "All I know is we said, 'Hello.' And your eyes look like coming home. All I know is a simple name, everything has changed."
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION: "All I know is you asked for change. And your eyes look like your off your meds. All I know is your street name, everything has changed."
4. "Love Story"
THE LYRIC: "Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult but it's real. Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, baby, just say, 'Yes'."
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION: "Coma guy, wake up, I want to tell you how I feel. Yeah, you're unconscious but it's real. Don't be brain dead, we'll make it out of this hospital. It's a love story, baby just wake up."
THE LYRIC: "Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go.
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION: "Remembering a life comes in possession and visions. Tell myself it's just my massage client's ghost, gotta let her go."
6. "I Knew You Were Trouble"
THE LYRIC: "I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me now. Flew me to places I'd never been."
THE PHOEBE TRANSLATION:"I knew you ate garlic when I walked in, so here's a breath mint now. Bad breath smelled like a city bus."
A little more blunt, a little more real-talk. I am so ready for Phoebe to release her own cover album of Swift songs, Weird Al style. Because, if there is anyone who can possibly top the reigning queen of pop music, it's Phoebe.
Images: Giphy (6); Getty Images; Warner Bros. Television Distribution