New 'Nymphomaniac' Clip Is Super Safe For Work... What Gives?

I'm so confused. First, Lars Von Trier tells us he's making Nymphomanica, a movie about a sex addict, who is played by Charlotte Gainsbourg. And everyone, myself included was like, "oh Lars, you are so predictable, but can you please please not cut off a character's genitals this time because that was really scarring and I don't ever need to see that again." Then, it got even weirder because every star in pretty much the history of Hollywood is in this movie, and they all released O-face photos as hype, plus we keep seeing clips where either Charlotte Gainsbourg is getting boned hard or that super skinny main character is getting perved on and subsequently boned by Shia Labeouf and the list goes on, but it's been very graphic, slightly disturbing, and consistently very Lars Von Trier.

So needless to say, weird as they were, expectations were set. We were trained to expect nudity, graphic sex, more nudity, and a side of ambiguous but overwhelming depression. It's what Lars Von Trier gives us every time and it's what the clips we've seen so far indicated. But then, he just goes and throws a massive wrench in all that with a super boring clip of Charlotte Gainsbourg just like, getting rid of stuff that reminds her of sex. Which is to say everything. Literally the most shocking part of the clip is when she tapes over the knobs of her faucet. Like... really, is it even physically possible to do it on the edge of a table, or a faucet knob, or your reflection? I know Charlotte Gainsbourg is probably bendy but come on.

However, digressing from what will be a long musing on the possibility of sexing faucets, the clip is confusing because beyond naughty insinuations, it's fairly vanilla. Charlotte Gainsbourg is even wearing a cardigan, perhaps the least sexy item of clothing in a nympho's closet, albeit the most functional. So now I'm vacillating between the idea that Lars Von Trier has groomed us so thoroughly for the release of this raunchy movie that footage of clothed characters is mystifying.

I'm still mulling over how I feel about the fact that we got a clip from Chapter 7, and I didn't get to see Charlotte Gainsbourg's boobs. You got me this time, Lars. Game on.