Want to Watch Shia LaBeouf Have Sex?

Considering the sheer amount of coverage we've dedicated to Shia LaBeouf's sexy sex in Nymphomaniac , you'd think, at a point, there would be nothing left to say. But that would mean that the sex in question remained consistently shocking. But, as teasers for the film continue to be released, we've realized that's definitely not the case. The latest trailer for Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac features sex, Shia LaBeouf's frantically thrusting butt, a jaguar, Bach, and, oh yeah, a naked nympho. Which is to say it's totally weird, a bit uncomfortable to watch, and has added a whole new level of pretension and confusion to the series of shocking tidbits we've been privy to as Nymphomaniac comes closer and closer to a release... date.

The thing is, the more we see of what Nymphomaniac has to offer, the more it feels like the only thing going for it is that we're going to see some very famous people very naked. Don't get me wrong, I've seen/written about Shia LaBeouf's penis so often I feel like it's sort of a friend (which is what happens when you spend long periods of time writing by yourself), and therefore it's cool to see another sex scene with him in it, but the overarching theme of the movie just seems to be sex, sex, sex. And yes, maybe that's the statement — that a movie about a nymphomaniac is mostly sex because they have a lot of it, but that seems fairly damning on Lars Von Trier's part if that's all there is to this movie.

Personally, given the esoteric artsiness of this first official sex scene, I'm getting the feeling more and more that this is going to be an extended look at what Lars Von Trier thinks about when he gets off. Which is a thought that makes me shiver, given that he made a movie in which Charlotte Gainsbourg got genetically mutilated. Sure, it's going to be very poetically shot soft porn at it's worst, and I'll totally sit through that, but I want something more from this movie. For example, I'd like to see a plotline, perhaps. A plot would be good. Let's just sit back, wait for the next trailer/teaser, and hope this entire movie won't be a glorified montage of different sexual positions. Because then this is just Melancholia, but with sex instead of sadness.