Everyone take a deep breath and say it with me: "Jade and Tanner should break up after Bachelor in Paradise." Now, I realize that some of you may have found that tough to say, but I promise I will make the reasons for their inevitable split perfectly clear in a second. Bachelor In Paradise isn't exactly known for its lessons in healthy dating behavior. Many couples look like they should be running off into the sunset to open up a joint bank account one week but then the next week they are both smashing their faces against some other BiP babe, and we are all left to wonder if love is real. Well, this season, for the most part, has been no different.
Ashley I. will tell you through mascara stained tears how hard it is, guys! Finding true love on Bachelor In Paradise is akin to finding a unicorn at the end of a rainbow. It seemed like Jade and Tanner had found some semblance of real feels when they went on their first one-on-one date, but then it just became obvious that they, too, are on the road to heartache. The hand holding, the starry looks in their eyes, and that devotion to one another? Come on. It's obvious that this isn't ending in anything but heartbreak.
Ever since their first date on Bachelor In Paradise, it's become painfully obvious that these two don't have what it takes to go the distance. Let's look at the evidence:
1. They Look At Each Other Like They Adore One Another, Or Something
I mean, seriously? The longing gazes? Those kind of looks can only mean one thing, and that's heartbreak. These two are on a path to certain destruction. I can't even believe they made it past their first one-on-one date, to be honest.
2. They Give All Of Their Roses To Each Other
Oldest trick in the book. Doomed.
3. They Kiss And Hold Hands
Like we don't see through that facade of physical affection. Please. The jig is up, guys. No one is that delightfully adorable and in love.
4. They Communicate Their Feelings
Yawn. See what I mean about a true path to destruction? Honest communication and discussions about feelings/emotions? These two won't last the week!
5. Tanner Didn't Judge Jade For Her Playboy Past
Jade doesn't need that crap. Come on. Who wants a gentleman who appreciates a strong, confident woman's right to make her own choices? Gross. The way he just went ahead and supported her past decisions was just the last straw.
Unfortunately, I rest my case. These two obviously have no business being together. They really should end it now — for the sake of true love, of course.
Images: Rick Rowell/ ABC