Tamra Has An Adult Themed Party On 'Real Housewives Of Orange County,' & It Is A Hot Mess

Do you think Neiman Marcus sells bondage *sips champagne*? Asking for a friend, I swear. On Monday, Tamra hosted the first Real Housewives of Orange County sex party; I know what you're thinking — this was only the first? Tamra decided to throw a sex party to promote her sex tape with Eddie — which is not at all what it sounds like. But at the same time, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's all to promote CUT Fitness, you guys, but instead of it being about CUT, it turned into a perfectly ridiculous setting for Vicki and Meghan to argue about their previous argument, because we can't have nice things and just enjoy an innocent sex party.

The women dressed in their best Christian by Christian Grey garb. There was a lot of lace, a lot of leather, — hey, Britney Spears — there were a lot of phallic images that were flashed on the screen at various times throughout the night. It was also the first time that Meghan and Vicki saw each other after their huge fight at Heather's hotel opening (actually, it was her house — but it's really a hotel). In true RHOC fashion, Meghan said she wouldn't bring up her fight with Vicki (but she wasn't going to pretend like it didn't happen). Mmhmm.

It all led to the reveal of Tamra and Eddie's sex tape. Luckily, these two have shared their gift with the world. Check it out below.

The women's reactions were exactly what you would expect from this crew of women. Shannon gave major Judgy Eyes and Heather — who was maybe wearing Bondage by Neiman Marcus — was covering her eyes. It was all really incredible and just what we needed this far into the season to cut the tension between the ladies.

Naturally, the sex party didn't go smoothly. Because, you can't have a sex party on a show like Real Housewives and expect it to go smoothly. Jeez, don't these women know that whenever costumes are involved, sh*t hits the fan? Not only do Heather and Terry Dubrow start bleeding through their clothes — yes, bleeding through their clothes (it's from leeches, it is a long story) — but the Meghan/Vicki cancer fight came to a head.

Vicki, the only normal dressed person at the party, starts yelling at Meghan for "insinuating" that Brooks doesn't have cancer. Meghan — and her husband — start defending her by saying that Meghan never said Brooks didn't have cancer, she was repeating what the psychic said. Vicki — and Shannon (why, I don't know?) — does not let up and it feels like beating a dead horse. The four — Meghan/Jimmy and Vicki/Shannon — are all having different conversations, so it just seems like a moot point. Vicki ended the fight by telling Jim to talk to her in five years... after he and Meghan break-up. Vicki also said, "Bye Felicia," so there's that.

This seems like the fight that will not end. The conversations are fueled by emotions, since it's involving cancer and sick loved ones. It really doesn't seem like an argument to win, as much as it needs to be an argument where both parties just decide to let it go. But because this is RHOC, I don't see that happening. Ever.