Why Can't I Climax During Sex? 5 Women Talk About How They Learned To Orgasm With A Partner

So I think we all know at this point that orgasms are hard for a lot of women, right? There are a lot of reasons for that, starting with the fact that we’re not taught — by anyone — how to please ourselves. Sex ed? Nope. Mom and dad? Usually too awkward. Our friends? Not really slumber party talk. Also, we’re not encouraged to explore our bodies the way boys are. While young men have already figured out how to get themselves off by the time they’re having sex with a partner, a really large portion of women arrive at partnered sex with no idea about how to reach that big O. They think that their partners are going to give them an orgasm, even though a lot of those first time partners are young, heterosexual men who know even less about female anatomy than they do.

Luckily, sex is one of those things that gets better the more you do it. (Usually. If it’s not getting better, it’s time to do some thinking.) Grown women are taking charge of their own orgasms, whether it’s with a partner or in solo sex. I hear every day from inspiring women who are working out their sexualities, figuring out awesome new things about their bodies, and pushing back against a cultural standard that says that women who own their orgasms are “sluts.”

Today I want to share stories from four of those women, who were badass enough to not only find their orgasm with a partner but also share how they got there. Enjoy.

1. Gia, 28

I can only come in a specific position (on top), grinding a certain way. I've tried everything else, but nothing else works and this works every time. So we do all kinds of stuff for fun and pleasure, but if I feel like coming I climb on top and get things done. Not the most romantic but it works for us.

2. Sarah, 40

Once I figured out that position really mattered with another person, I started making sure I was getting on top after we got warmed up because that's almost always a sure bet. I also have to sometimes tell myself, "just let go, just let go, just let go" like a mantra because I would freak myself out by thinking about it too much during sex and break the mood. I almost never climax the first time I have sex with someone which makes me think that it's both about position and what's going on in my head.

3. La Louve, 35

I put out my intentions to explore the BDSM lifestyle. I soon found a partner that sexually blew my mind. Although this relationship was far from healthy, she retaught my body to orgasm in a new way and with a partner. It demanded a high level of trust which is also very important in a BDSM relationship. Even though the relationship was very unhealthy, I did gain this one, very beautiful gift, from it.

4. Rose, 29

This was a big problem for me when I was young. I had a very difficult time orgasming with my first boyfriend, even though we were very close. What finally worked was I found a partner who was willing to touch me while he watched TV. It really took the pressure off me to please him or come quickly, and I was able to learn what felt good when someone else touched me. After him, it was never such a problem again.

5. Michelle, 28

As much as you always want to, it can be hard AF to relax during sex sometimes. Position matters for me, definitely, but I think a lot of it really has to do with what's going on my head. How comfortable do I feel with this person? I don't need to be in an LTR or dating someone to orgasm with them but I do need to feel confident because what helps me climax most is being vocal and telling them exactly what I want.

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