6 Reasons To Try Mutual Masturbation With Your Partner

Considering that we live in a world that is barely cool with admitting that women masturbate at all — and a society where the idea of whether or not people in a relationship should masturbate remains, improbably, a hot topic — masturbating with your partner isn't necessarily on most of our sexual menus. In fact, mutual masturbation keeps a pretty low overall profile in our culture; you don't see romantic leads rubbing one out together in sexy movies; your friends probably don't brag about finally whacking the mole together with a new love; and you were probably taught growing up that masturbating with a partner didn't "count" as sex, and should only be used as a last resort between people who don't want to have "real" sex yet.

But none of this stuff actually means that mutual masturbation isn't a great option to include on your partnered sexual menu. Masturbation is not only not a substitute for sex that should be dropped as soon as the "real thing" becomes available —masturbating together can be good for your sex lives, your relationship, and your junk.

But perhaps you/your relationship/your junk still need me to massage the idea a little more. If so, please allow me to present to all of you six reasons to masturbate with your partner.

1. It's A Good Way To Show What You Like

If you've always been perfectly and effortlessly able to communicate exactly what gets you off to your partner, well, kudos to you. But if you've ever experienced the incredibly common problem of trying to give fevered, frustrated clitoral instructions in the heat of the moment, only to find that they don't quite pan out, mutual masturbation can be an amazing educational tool (ha ha ha, "tool"). Since masturbating with your partner often feels like a lower pressure environment than penetrative intercourse (because there's no "next level" of action that one or both of you are eager to get to — there's just the here and now), it can be easier to give a detailed explanation of what you do and don't like in bed.

Showing your partner exactly how you like it done, by showing on yourself, can make a world of difference — a picture (of you touching your vulva) is worth a thousand words. And no, this doesn't have to be dryly educational; showing your partner how you like to ring your own doorbell can be sexy as hell, especially if you incorporate dirty talk, toys, other touching, or whatever else your heart and vag desire.

2. It's A Great Way To Have Sex When You're Too Tired To Have Sex

You know how some nights, the spirit is willing, but the flesh has been up since like 6 a.m. stressing about some work presentation, and is kind of just ready to watch Seinfeld re-runs? Mutual masturbation can help. When you're horny or want to feel close to your partner, but don't feel like you have the energy to start engaging in some serious sex/oral sex/manual stimulation, masturbating together — while you kiss, touch, or do whatever else you feel moved to do in the moment — can often scratch the itch. You can make it as intimate as you want, and there's often a guaranteed orgasm on the end (which may not always be the case for people engaging in intercourse).

3. It Can Broaden Your Ideas Of What Exactly Sex Is

If you mostly or only have heterosexual sex with guys, you may think that penis-in-vagina intercourse is the only "real" sex, and everything else, no matter how much you enjoy it, is just a form of foreplay. But this limited set of beliefs helps no one — least of all you (and your junk).

Anything that gives you pleasure and feels sexy and intimate "counts" as sex, including masturbating with a partner. Experimenting with accepting and treating mutual masturbation as a complete sexual encounter — instead of a prelude to something else — can open the doors to accepting that what excites or satisfies you might be different from what the world has told you to be excited or satisfied by.

4. It Can Lead To More Sex

Of course, other times, mutually masturbating might just make you realize that you want to do more with your partner. Which is also awesome — who doesn't like realizing that they have a second wind in them? It can be easy to think you're too tired to have sex, especially when you're in a long-term relationship with someone you adore but have also banged it out with approximately one hundred bazillion times. I mean, sex just sounds tiring. But a bout of brief, low-impact mutual masturbation can sometimes help you realize that you're not quite as tired as you thought, especially once you've been waxing your own fender for a few minutes.

5. It Can Break Up The Routine

Not to rag on long-term relationships, but it can be pretty easy to get into a sexual rut, no matter what you're into. In this kind of situation, introducing something new in bed is always good — but mutual masturbation has the added bonus of being low-key and easy to do. It also has a very low failure rate, and involves supplies you already have around the house!

6. It Can Help You Become More Comfortable With Sex

If you're new to sex, shy about sex, kind of nervous about exploring your body and figuring out what you like, or maybe even haven't really done too much masturbating on your own, mutual masturbation can be a great set of training wheels. If you're intimidated by the idea of masturbating, mutual masturbating gives you a built-in cheering section; if you're shy about expressing what you like to a partner, mutual masturbation can give you a slightly more low-key environment in which to explore. And if you don't really have that much sexual experience in general, mutual masturbation can be just as helpful as any other kind of sex in helping you figure out what you like and what you don't.

No matter what society tells us, having awesome sex takes lots and lots of practice — and just like training for a 10K or practicing the oboe, it's often more fun if you practice with someone else.

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