By now Pizza Rat, the brave rat who stole pizza on the subway, is already a hero in our hearts and minds. Long after the rest of us die, Pizza Rat will live on; for although Pizza Rat is a real being, he truly has already transcended his physical form, and has come to represent something much more. Pizza rat is ... well, quite simply, he is All Of Us. Pizza Rat is you, drunk and stumbling home to your bliss at 3 A.M. on a Saturday; Pizza Rat is your dumb little brother that time he came home high out of his mind with the munchies; Pizza Rat is every millennial ever, trying to live their best life free of everybody else's judgment. And if Pizza Rat isn't major of New York by 2016, I've lost faith in all of us.
Of course, in all of our distraction celebrating Pizza Rat, we've neglected to notice the true crime committed somewhere in this city: Somebody threw a perfectly good piece of pizza on the ground. I mean, yes, it was the fuel that allowed a hero to be born, like Barry Allen getting struck by lightning — but still pretty unforgivable, but New York pizza standards. Fortunately the good outweighed the bad in the end, for Pizza Rat is a true hero. Just look at this video:
And in case you needed any more proof, here are all the people harking his hangry name on the Internet right now: