For this week's bad movie re-watch, we revisit Drive Me Crazy, a film Roger Ebert once described as "maybe the eighth movie of 1999 to hinge on a date to the big high school dance." The plot, for the uninformed, has next-door-neighbors Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Vincent Chase scheme together to go to a Centennial dance together and make their other love interests jealous. And even if you know how it is, let me just say that the social dynamics of this particular film ensure that Drive Me Crazy is a endearingly ridiculous film.
But this movie, mind you, isn't anything like the other teen rom-coms that hit theaters in the mid-to-late '90s. It isn't a gem in disguise like 10 Things I Hate About You or a so-bad-it's-good movie like She's All That. It simply exists, endearing in its intentions, hilariously ridiculous in its execution, and epically named after a genuinely great Britney Spears song. (Fun fact, though: the screenplay for Drive Me Crazy is by Veronica Mars' Rob Thomas. Who'da thought?)
Still, if you've never seen it before (or haven't seen it since 1999), it's definitely worth checking out this flick starring the otherwise charming '90s queen Melissa Joan Hart and painfully beautiful Adrian Grenier. Or, check out this chronologically catalogued list of everything that did, indeed, drive me crazy.
1. "What Do You Think Of My Mom's Red Halter Top?" "For Your Interview Today? It's A Little Slutty."
WHAT. Who says that to a friend? But, also, who wears a halter top to an interview? But, also, why does a mom own a red halter top, and even if she does, how could it possibly be deemed "slutty"?
2. "Look At Them Down There. Drink Your Mochaccinos and Listen To Celine Dion."
Were mochaccinos ever a real thing? Because I feel like I hear them reference in movies a lot, but I'm not sure if that's just characters making fun of fanciful coffee.
3. Incidentally, The Coffee Shop He Goes To Looks Like A Crack Den
Seriously, imagine this picture out of context.
4. This Is A Normal Reaction To Getting Dumped
I go full turtle, too.
5. "Oh Hey, Just Tossing Around Inflatable Furniture At A House Party!"
"Like all the kids do!"
6. The Fact That I Thought They Were Driving A Police Car
This is actually called a safe ride, it is a very important part of the overarching plot for some reason.
7. The Fact That Nicole, Despite Being Wasted Seconds Ago, Can Now Systemically Narrow Down Her Date List
Fury helps you sober up.
8. When Bae Calls You Back After Ignoring You For Five Years
But seriously, I don't know how after all this, Chase is her last resort — their plotting seems very involved and unnecessary.
9. This Hair Is Supposed To Be A Marked Improvement?
10. This Clear Lack Of School Funds
What is this? Only two of the cheerleaders have uniforms, and the rest are wearing mismatched orange tanks and denim shorts.
11. Hey, The Donnas!
They're still going by The Electrocutes in this movie. Fun fact.
12. When Nicole's Father Takes Her Ballooning
Not that it makes up for the years of neglect — but I just want to point out that it's a banner day in my household if my dad drives me to Goodwill.
13. White Girls At The Club
14. Hey, The Donnas!
Two cameos, one film. This is really good gig for them.
15. When This Guy Nuzzles Dulcie's Kool-Aid Hair
16. Make-Up At The Lake
And deep side-eye for Chase's obvious water proof mascara (no, but really, his lashes are always stunning).
17. This Is A Weird Seduction Technique
18. Anyway, This Video Compares The Popular Kids To Nazis
19. THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION THAT THEY HAVE THROUGH INTENSE STARES, Translated Here:
"Babe, you going to come to the coffee house?"
"UM. Are you effing kidding me?"
"Because I'm short on cash and could really use your loyalty punch card right now."
"Yeah, no, I'm gonna leave."
20. Somehow Vince Can Slide Down A Steep 40 Foot-Long Pole And Not Break His Neck
21. Hey, The Donnas!
OK, at this point I'm just baffled because they also did this in 1999's Jawbreaker like five seconds later and they're still being referred to as The Electrocutes here. Like, did the name switch occur between both films?
22. "Dad, What Are You Doing Here?"
"Um, I'm an adult and it's a public event, I don't have to explain anything to you."
23. When Nicole Runs Her Hands Through Chase's Hair And Gets Like A Fist Full Of Gel
It must be a Danny Zuko nightmare back there.
24. THE BIG TWIST: Nicole And Chase's Parents Are Also Dating
Have fun hooking up with your step sibling, baaaaai.
Images: 20th Century Fox (39)