5 Ways To Spot A Serial Monogamist In A Text Conversation
There's nothing wrong with being a serial monogamist, if you're open and honest about it. The trouble is — that's not really what serial monogamy is all about. If you're a hopeless romantic who has dreamed of a fairytale wedding since early childhood and your partner is a serial monogamist, someone might wind up hurt. (Hint: It's you.) Before you go too far with such a character, it's good to know the signs of a serial monogamist. If you're in the early stages of a courtship and you're flicking witty banter back and forth with a potential suitor, there are a few sound ways to tell if you're texting with a serial monogamist.
Though most serial monogamists may have perfectly good intentions, there are also a few misdeeds associated with the trait. First off, some have been known to have a bit of overlap between relationships, so it's possible that while you're happily dashing off cute texts, the person on the other side of the screen is still dating someone else. Though serial monogamists may swear up and down to themselves and anyone willing to listen that this time it's different every time they embark upon a new relationship, it's more than likely that this time isn't different, and that this relationship will end the way previous ones have: Without any further commitment other than monogamy. If you're trying to avoid such an individual, Stefanie Safran, Chicago's "Introductionista" and founder of Stef and the City, weighed in on a few obvious and more subtle characteristics that identify a serial monogamist in a text exchange.
1. Mad Romantic Emoji Game
We all know that the first time someone sends the kissy face blowing a heart is a relationship benchmark. Even more so with the heart-eyes emoji — that's just a short step before an actual red heart. But overusing certain emojis off the bat is danger-zone territory, says Safran. "[Serial monogamists] attempt to get very lovey-dovey in text messages pretty fast by using excessive heart, kissy face, and heart eyes emojis," she says. "If they try to amp up the emotional connection very quickly over text, they might be a serial monogamist."
2. An Invite To A Major Event WAY Too Soon
Weddings are wonderful and bar mitzvahs are bomb, but you shouldn't be someone's plus-one to an event like that until well into a relationship — and you definitely shouldn't be invited via text. "Serial monogamists go through the cycle of a long-term relationship at lightening speed," Safran says, so they may think nothing of casually proffering an invite to their cousin's quinceañera.
3. Autocorrect Blows Their Cover
When their autocorrect starts messing up your name, take heed, says Safran. If your name is Sara and somehow it's corrected to Tara more than once, there may be more in play than meets the eye. "Most smartphones catalog names that the user types often," she says. "If autocorrect is always changing your name in their phone to another one that is not a family member or friend, it may be a sign they've had a lot of relationships, and their phone just isn't keeping up." Though it could be an honest mistake — god knows my phone has made its share of gaffes — if you're already feeling suspicious, this could be the final tip-off.
4. A Too-Soon Admission Of Love
It's too much too soon if you hear "I love you" in the first month of a relationship. But serial monogamists can zoom past dating and go straight to a relationship. "If they are a serial monogamist," says Safran, "they are getting into a string of 'serious' relationships where saying 'I love you' can become commonplace." Such a confession so early on can feel intoxicating and fun, but it's usually not sustainable.
5. An Electronic Declaration Of Love
Even if you have been dating for long enough that "I love you" feels totally appropriate, reading those three words on a screen for the first time instead of hearing them is not OK. "Saying 'I love you' over text before in person" is a huge red flag, says Safran. Of course, if your partner is super shy and would rather express their feelings in a heartfelt card, that's one thing. But if you get a proclamation of love via text for the first time, that's entirely something else. "The first time you say this, you want it to be in person," Safran says. "If someone says 'I love you' the first time over text, it might be that the sentiment has lost some emotional gravity for them." Sad face.
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