You know how I know I have become an adult? Well for starters, I pay bills. Lots of them. I set "SEND CHECK NOW" reminders on my phone and everything. Another clue: My teeth and stomach hurt anytime I eat too many Skittles. Oh, and I am genuinely impressed every time I use vinegar as a cleaning agent. Who knew that stuff was so tough on grime! But there isn’t anything quite as telling as the reaction I had to *NSYNC’s “Pop” music video a few months ago. “Whoa, that dance party would be way too much for me,” I muttered between spoonfuls of Grape Nuts. “I would totally pull a Joey Fatone and sit that one out. So overwhelming. I'd rather just wait in the car."
I didn't always feel this way. When the vid premiered back in 2001, I thought, Is that what dance clubs are like? I cAn'T wAiT tO gO tO oNe JuSt LiKe ThAt OnE~!!! (Yes, I thought in sticky caps.) Alas, time brings change. Boy bands split up, ramen hair is shorn, sticky caps go out of style, and I lose interest in going to crowded, balloon-filled clubs.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of the Wayne Isham-directed music video. It's one of the group's best, it's iconic, I may or may not still know the dance break by heart, I've watched the Making the Video episode upwards of 15 times, et cetera. I’m just not so sure I want to live inside the music video, you dig? My stress levels would dirty pop right through the roof.
Think I'm being a Lame-o-saurus Rex? That's fine. But that doesn't make these moments from *NSYNC's "Pop" music video any less stressful:
When The TV Starts Speaking Directly To The Viewer At Home
THE TELEVISION SET IS ALIVE.
When Bubbles Pour Out Of The TV Screen
That can't be good for the electronics.
When The Viewer At Home Makes A Cereal Mess
Oh, great. Now she has to worry about dealing with that spilled milk, those cereal pieces, and those shards of bowl? Ugh, what a disaster. I hope she gets all of the milk out of the carpet. Otherwise, it'll stink up the joint.
Anytime These Dr. Seuss Walkways Are Onscreen
Is this set awesome? Of course it is. But if I was there, I'd be too terrified of falling off of those walkways or those Lazy Susan dance floors to appreciate the awesomeness.
When This Gauntlet Of A Tunnel Happens
Did Jon Taffer have something to do with this? Because it's Butt Funnel City.
When Lance Is Stuck In This Tiny Spinning Room
The only thing better than feeling claustrophobic? Feeling claustrophobic and nauseous!
When *NSYNC Literally Explodes
When This Guy Decides To Do A Bike Trick Into The Crowd
Seems like a safe move.
When One Bajillion Balloons Fall From The Sky
Balloons put me on edge.
When One Bajillion Balloons Start To Pop At The Same Time
This is why balloons put me on edge.
When The Bubbles Take Over The Viewer At Home's Room
If I was her, I'd be PANICKING. Not only would I be worried about my furniture, TV, and floor, but I'd be worried about MY INABILITY TO BREATHE.
Man, I'm tired of stressin'. *Cue dance break.*
Images: NSYNCVEVO/YouTube (11)