Going through a breakup is never easy. There are usually a lot of tears, tissues, and emotions involved. No one really prepares you for how to handle a breakup. Many people have advice on how to keep a relationship happy and strong. But you aren’t usually told how to go through a heartbreak like a pro. There isn’t necessarily a “right” or “wrong” way to break up with your partner. Everyone handles grief differently. With that being said, there are things that you can do that will make your life easier and will help you heal.
For instance, being with your close friends and family at this terrible time will be instrumental. You need all the love and support you can get. Journaling your thoughts can be a great way to let out your emotions. If you need more even more support, seeing a therapist for a couple sessions can be an amazing outlet. Being a relationship expert and matchmaker for It’s Just Lunch Seattle, I know how rough a broken heart can be. Taking that time to properly heal is crucial before you enter into a new relationship. So, make sure to spend time on yourself in order to recover from this emotional blow. Here are seven things you should never do right after a breakup.
1. Drink Excessively
I’m not saying a nice glass of wine isn’t OK. It’s probably very tempting to want to drink the pain away right now. However, drinking excessively is just going to stop you from really feeling your emotions. I know you’re thinking, “I don’t want to feel these painful emotions.” However, even if you push your emotions far down, they will eventually come back up. Instead of picking up a bottle of vodka, stick to good old water for now.
2. Throw Mementos Away
I know you can’t stand to look at that picture of you two from your last vacation together. Or, it’s making you cry every time you pass by that present your boyfriend/girlfriend got you. One day you might want to throw these mementos away. However, right after a breakup, your emotions are at an all time high and you are probably not thinking 100 percent clearly. So for now, put these items in a box that you can stow away in your closet high above reach. Out of sight, out of mind — right? It doesn’t have to mean forever, though.
3. Go On Social Media
The first thing you’re going to want to do is stalk your ex. However, this is also going to be one of the worst things you can do after a breakup. Anything you will find on there is only going to make things hurt more. You see he or she wrote a happy status update, oh great! Or maybe you noticed he or she added a bunch of new friends. Your mind is only going to go to places that won’t be helpful to recovering. Furthermore, you might be saving yourself from posting something you will regret later on. Maybe you want to write a status update that is directed towards your now ex. Be cautious, though, because once you write something online, it’s harder to take it away.
4. Talk To Your Ex
Think of your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend as something you are trying to quit — just like if you were an addict. If you talk to him or her it is only going to prolong your sadness. The quicker you pull off that Band-Aid, the faster it will heal. I’m not saying it won’t hurt or cause immense amount of suffering. But trust me, in the end this is the quickest way to move forward. Giving yourself some time and space away from the relationship and the actual person will help you see the light at the end of the relationship tunnel.
5. Hook Up With Another Person
There’s a time and a place for everything. That is indeed the case when it comes to hooking up with others. Sure, after being newly single, you are going to want to go out and maybe explore other options sexually. Just make sure that before you go out with these intentions that you are truly ready for it. If you have been single for only a hot second, you might want to just simply focus on yourself, instead of focusing on other person. A hot passionate makeout session can cheer a lot of people up, but you don’t want to run the risk of crying in the person’s mouth. If hooking up with another is only going to make you miss your ex, then just hold off. Think about if it’s too soon for you personally or not.
6. Talk To His Or Her Family/Friends
Right after a breakup, you are most likely on an emotional high, where you aren't thinking 100 percent clearly. You may want to reach out to his or her close friends or family to vent. You may want to reach out as a way to understand what is happening more clearly and get perspective. However, wait a little bit before you approach them. You need to take some time for yourself to process everything before you make another person process it for you. You don't need any outside influences at this time — you only need yourself and your support system.
7. Pretend Everything Is Fine
News flash: After a breakup, nobody is fine. You are not fooling anybody if you go around acting like you aren't phased by this huge life moment. No one expects you to be Mr. or Ms. Happy-Go-Lucky. Everyone knows you are hurting and they want to be there for you. Let them be there for you. Pushing your feelings down and hiding your emotions will only create more pain in the long-run. So, feel your emotions and let it out with a box full of tissues. Everything will eventually be alright, but just for one moment, feel it.
The most important thing to remember in a break up, though, is that you're going to be OK. Just take a deep breath, take care of yourself, and remember that life will go on and one day everything won't seem quite so terrible.