Last night you went out to dinner with your friends, declaring it would be a "one drink" kinda night before you even opened the menu. You all nodded —"Yes, yes, one drink, it's a Tuesday after all." But man, a bottle really goes fast when it's all divvied up. And then the hors d'oeuvres were so rich and savory, you decided it would be rude to wash them down with tap water.
When your waiter asked if you'd like to order another bottle, you and your friends sat silently, unblinking, waiting for someone to bite the bullet and place the order. You ended the stand-off and ordered "just one more, please" becoming the silent hero of the table. By the time you scooped the last few bites of your entree into your wine-stained mouth, the group conversation had turned from catch-ups to heady philosophy. "If the Tardigrades are from Mars, and we're from Tardigrades, are we from Mars? And if so, does that make us Martians?"
You all looked at each other again. Another bottle would be required to consider the extraterrestrial possibilities. And by the time that third bottle arrived, "Tuesday: the early-in-the-week non-fun day," had become "Tuesday!: the perfect night for too much wine and mental exploration of the universe." To infinity and beyond!
And then this morning happened. Your head hurt. Your neck was sore. Your teeth were purple. You're were thirsty. You were nauseous. You were exhausted, cloudy and cranky. And you're were about to be late for work. Here are nine things you can do throughout the work day to erase the effects of last night:
Give your body back what is so desperately needs! As you know by now, alcohol is a major diuretic. Dehydration causes all sorts of miserable side effects, like weakness, dizziness, headache, heart palpitations and indigestion. Though plain water will be helpful in combatting the dehydration, your body will also need to have its electrolytes replenished. Grab yourself a bottle of Smart Water or coconut water. If you feel like your body needs a sugar boost, go for an organic fruit juice. Or, try Pedialyte, seriously.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone
You need potassium. It helps with all sorts of important things like nerve and muscle function. The problem is, you peed it all out. Get yourself a banana, an avocado, or some orange juice. Hell, throw it all together in a blender and drink up a delicious potassium blast. But as with anything, don't over do it, too much potassium in the system is not great either.
Pills, pills, pills
Now that you have something in your stomach, take an ibuprofen. This will help out with that pounding headache. If you have a sensitive stomach, try to eat a piece of toast first. Do not take Tylenol — it's the last thing your liver needs.
Ginger, the Spice Girls boss
If you have a stomachache and access to real raw or dried ginger, eat it. If you have ginger tea, drink it. If there is literally no real ginger in sight, go ahead and get a ginger ale. But remember, there's really no significant amount of ginger in the soda. However, the carbonation might ease your indigestion anyway.
Eggs are a fine hangover food. They have qualities that help our bodies metabolize alcohol. While a greasy, sloppy, bacon egg and cheese might be what your heart is after, sticking to simpler foods is actually what your body prefers. Your heart is already overwhelmed with the effects of alcohol, no need to overwhelm with the effects of junk foods.
Oh, but you look like crap and don't want your boss to think you're the kind of employee who thinks "Tuesdays" are "TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!"s? Here are some bonus beauty hacks to hide the damage:
If your eyes are red, a few drops of a saline solution will help clear them up. But your face is probably red, too. Put a few drops of the solution on your skin and let it dry. The blotchy patches should simmer down a bit.
After you've washed and (scrub off all that old eyeliner girl, all of it!) reduced redness with saline, it's time to moisturize. Apply a generous amount of your favorite moisturizer. Once that's settled into your skin, conceal the remaining red spots and then get crazy with your highlighter. Because your skin is so dehydrated, it has no luster. Pop some highlighter on the bridge of your nose, the tops of your cheek bones and the inner corner of your eyes and fake the awake look.
Spoons, hemorrhoid cream
If your under eye area is still a disaster, throw a spoon in the freezer for twenty minutes. When you take it out, press the rounded side to your under eye. It will feel awesome and it will take down the swelling. A girl should always have a few spoons in her freezer. Still have bags under your eyes? Go get yourself some hemorrhoid cream. Yup, that's right. Apply it carefully with a Q-top in the underage region, avoiding direct contact with your eye. It really works.
Get some color on your lips. The mix of dehydration and lack of circulation makes for pale lips. Smother them with chapstick and then dab on some color. It will bring your whole face back to life and make you feel more put together. No one will know what you did last night.