Rita Ora Must Be Stopped

File this under "Nope/No Way/Just Stop": Rita Ora wants to remake "Lady Marmalade." The nerve! It gets worse: According to Billboard, the 24-year-old British singer reportedly told The Sun recently that she'd like to cover Labelle's iconic 1974 hit with the ragtag team of Miley Cyrus, Charli XCX, and... wait for it... Iggy Azalea. Woof. This is a terrible idea for thousands of reasons (but we don't have all day, so I'll try to keep things brief). First of all, Rita, have you ever listened to Christina Aguilera, Mýa, Pink, and Lil' Kim's 2001 version of "Lady Marmalade"? The one that appears on the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack? The one that spent five weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100 chart?? They DID that! It's perfect. There's nothing to improve upon! Case closed. (Just kidding. Please re-open the case, because I'm not finished yet.)

Rita, I like you — and I genuinely think you're talented — but your music career is a mess these days. You just delayed your sophomore LP again. Your debut came out in 2012! Pretty soon, people are going to have a hard time remembering what you're famous for. At this point, do you really think it's wise to waste your energy on an unrelated project?

I mean, how are you going to convince Cyrus, Charli, and Azalea to hop on a "Lady Marmalade" reboot with you when you can't even get your album out? How are you going to convince them to hop on a "Lady Marmalade" reboot with you when you can't even get the U.S. public to buy your music in the first place??

It just doesn't make any sense.

Listen, Rita, I probably love your 2012 single "How We Do (Party)" more than anybody on this Earth, but you need a reality check. (It's OK, we all need one from time to time.) Here's what you should do instead of remaking "Lady Marmalade": First, record another collaboration with an established, high-profile artist to get your name out there again. You need another "Black Widow"–sized hit. Second, put out a new lead single. Something memorable, something unique. Something that tells the world exactly why they need to start checking for you ASAP. And finally, release your damn album! Eventually, you're just going to have to bite the bullet and release that sucker. Your fans aren't going to wait around forever.

Oh, and one more quick piece of advice, just in case I haven't been clear: FORGET ABOUT THIS WHOLE "LADY MARMALADE" THING, OK? Trust me, I only have your best interests in mind. Good luck.

Images: Giphy (3)