Life
6 Things To Know Before Getting Serious With An SO
Getting serious in a relationship is one of those things that either happens without you noticing or which involves a lot of agonizing over all the fine print. Some people fall into seriousness naturally, while others are more cautious. Either way, there are certain things you should definitely know about the person you're dating before your decide to get serious with them. I don't mean questions like "Do they watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians?" (because to be honest, that might be a dealbreaker for me), but things that are going to dictate the way your relationship operates, and how happy and compatible you will be together. It's always easier to end a casual relationship than a serious one.
While it can sometimes feel awkward or weird to flat-out ask certain things of someone you're dating, that's the most adult thing to do when you're moving from "Maybe this will work out" to "I hope this works out forever and ever." Obviously, you can't know everything about someone, and people change. But before you dive in headfirst, there are some things you should really take the time to try to get to know about someone.
1. Do They Have An STD?
Real talk: Being serious with someone often leads to sex without protection. It's wonderful that you can still protect against pregnancy with the contraceptive pill, but there's no way to protect against an STD without a condom (and even then, you can still pass things around). If you want to get serious with someone, this is a must-have discussion, and getting checked out at the doctor should be a high priority for both of you before moving forward. Your relationship might not work out, but herpes is forever.
2. How Do They React In Conflict?
Can you communicate with your partner when you're frustrated? Or do they act vindictive and storm out? Knowing what your partner is like when their back is to the wall is important, because no relationship is a cakewalk. There are going to be tough times, and if you're going to get serious with someone, you need to know you'll be able to face conflict together with common goals and honest, patient communication.
3. What Are Their Dreams For The Future?
If you want to get married and have kids, but your partner never wants to get married and never wants to have kids, can you see how that might cause some issues down the road? Of course, no one knows the future. But if someone is staunchly for or against something in their dream life, then you need to know about it. Things might change, but you might not want to wait around to find out, because "maybe" doesn't put a lot of faith in your relationship. If you have irreconcilable future plans, it might be best to find someone more similarly aligned to you to get serious with instead.
4. What Do They Expect From You?
Know what your partner wants from you in the relationship. If their expectations can't be met, whether it's because you can't or don't want to do it, then you might have a problem. For instance, if you want an open relationship, but they want you to be faithful, then you need to know you can deliver before becoming serious to spare the feelings of all involved.
5. Do They Have Some Nasty Skeleton In Their Closet?
Are they a closet racist? A misogynist? Do they engage in online trolling? Or any other kind of heinous activity? You want to be able to know all these things at first, but sometimes we can be deceived before finding out the truth. But it should be obvious if someone is hiding a specific part of themselves from you, or if they're disappearing from you for hours or days without any explanation. Trust your gut and ask questions!
6. How Do You Really Feel About Them?
I mean, do you actually like this person? Do you want to get serious with them? Do you see a future with them? If you don't know these things, it's time to start looking for some answers before you start getting serious.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our SoundCloud page.
