Please prepare your tender heart for the saddest Craigslist hoax ever. It looks like young broke people are so desperate for housing in New York, that they actually submitted responses to an ad offering a Lower East Side bar's bathroom for rent.
Bartender Alana Reali took four photos of the grimy, graffiti-stained bathroom stall at Local 138, the Lower East Side bar where she works, and posted them to Craigslist as a "hip artist loft" for rent. There's a Comfort Inn next door, where Reali suggests the future tenant showers, per an agreement she has with Juan Pablo the doorman. What's a place like this going for these days? A mere $30 a week! And make no mistake: Reali did not promise there was a bedroom to go with the bathroom. In fact, her Craigslist ad reads in full:
Love brunch? Totally heart NYC? I have a cozy artist loft available 10/1 in the heart of the edgiest neighborhood in Manhattan. A stones throw from organic grocery stores, the hottest brunch spots and hipster bars. Room includes a window, a door, your very own bathroom and walls dressed with authentic NYC street art. Hot water included. I provide a space heater for the winter months. The photos above would be your bedroom. The neighbors are kind of shitty but you can't beat this price!The shower is located at the Comfort Inn next door. I'll personally introduce you to the door man Juan Pablo. Juan only works two nights a week so plan accordingly.Looking for a roommate that doesn't bring the party home, doesn't smoke cigarettes (e-cigs OK) 420 friendly. No overnight guests. Week to week. If I like you, you'll have a chance to take over the lease as I'm moving to Williamsburg in January to be closer to Five Leaves (which by the way is my FAV brunch spot)This is a v rare opportunity to have a Manhattan zip code for Ohio prices. Looking forward to meeting my new best friend.
Here's a screen shot of the ad:
But despite her complete transparency, folks were still clamoring for this steal of a housing sitch. She's had over real 30 responses.
"It’s sad, I had one guy saying [he’ll] fix the place up and another girl wanted to move here from Tennessee," Reali told Pix11.
Jezebel got ahold of some of the responses and they are truly tragic. Here are four humans deserving of all the "oh, sweetie..."s in the world:
1. The Fellow Artist
"Your new room is just the artistic environment I was hoping for to really inspire some well digested creations. I know I could really get some great work done there for our Father. Just need to know if it is close to any matcha bars (my new serious addition :) ). If so, I'm excited for us to express ourselves and really help people to feel things and create themselves!"
2. So About Juan Pablo...
"Hi, I'm interested. So the shower next door situation... I could use it but only when door man Juan Pablo is working?"
3. The Eager Acting Student
"Hey! My name is [redacted] and I am an actor studying at NYU. This place is perfect for me and I am interested, only I did not really understand how the living situation works. Can you please elaborate a bit? I am interested in your post!"
4. Is He Saying He's Already Had Sex In This Bathroom...?
"hey I'm 100% sure theres no way this room is still available but i figured id give it a shot anywayi love brunch and way heart nyc and would love to take over the room!im a 21 year old guy who likes guys and I'm pretty sure I've been in that bar bathroom a few timesif the universe loves me and you haven't already found someone feel free to call/text me @ [redacted]and yeah thats an ohio zip code"
Images: Paul Green/Unsplash; Giphy