What 'Harry Potter' Career You Would Have, Based On Your Astrological Sign
By now you probably have some idea of what you want to make of your life in the Muggle World. Even the psychology majors among us eventually find their decidedly not-psychology callings (who, me?), and everything works out in the end. Just imagine, though, how comparatively easier it would be to find a job in the Wizarding world. I imagine there are much fewer existential crises about your ~dream job~ coming out of Hogwarts, because let's be real, just about any job you could have is a ~dream job~ (so long as you steer clear of working in Knockturn Alley).
Unfortunately, we don't have the benefit of seven years of solid magic education to know exactly what our calling would be in that universe, because our Hogwarts letters are still ... stuck in the mail. (STUCK IN THE MAIL, MOM.) So without any O.W.L.s or N.E.W.T.s to nudge us in the right direction, we have to rely on less tradition methods to ascertain our destined fields of work — namely, our astrological signs. So go make Trelawney proud (and make Hermione's eyes roll all the way into the back of her brain) by finding your astrological sign, and the accompanying job you should have in the Wizarding world based on it:
Daily Prophet Reporter. Aries, you are one of the most independent and competitive of the lot — meaning that you compete against no one as hard as you compete against yourself. Your tenacity and drive is perfectly-suited for the reporting beat, and your diligence and commitment to the honest truth will make you hella better at it that Rita Skeeter ever was.
Hogwarts Professor. Stable, loyal, and none too keen on any major changes in routine, a Taurus would be most happy at the place that was home to them in their formative years. You are naturally protective and patient in nature, which lends itself quite well to teaching the Neville Longbottoms of the world to have the same kind of quiet confidence you have.
Quidditch Player. You are one of the most restless people you know, but also one of the most loyal and passionate; what better way to compromise those two things than to travel the world playing the fiercest sport there is for a team you adore? Your quick wit and ability to think on your feet will make you an invaluable asset to any league.
Healer/Mediwizard. Naturally empathetic and devoted, you are the exact person a frightened or confused person would want to see at St. Mungo's or the Hogwarts hospital wing. You have a natural desire to help people and an insatiable curiosity that will make you an incredibly knowledgeable and reliable source in the healing field.
Auror. You crave attention and admiration, but only for things that you have earned through your own tenacity and hard work. You have all of the fearlessness (and, honestly, the recklessness) required to be an Auror, as well as the ability to let painful or difficult things roll off of you. You'll be able to work as hard as this job requires without taking it home with you.
Arithmancer. Methodical, patient, and hardworking, you are perfectly suited for arithmancy, a study of magic involving the complicated charting of numbers to make predictions. You find comfort in logic, and although not many people understand the difficulty of the work you do, you are more of a loner as it is, and prefer to work in peaceful solitude.
Magical Law Enforcement. You have a deeply committed sense of justice, and feel compelled to do whatever it takes to right the wrongs you see in the world. Naturally fair-minded and harmonious, you would quickly gain renown for your fair judgments, rise through the ranks, and — let's be real — probably be partners in crime with Hermione Granger.
Unspeakable. Nobody can keep a secret better than you can, Scorpio. But it's not just your trustworthiness that makes you ideal for this mysterious calling — it's your bravery, resourcefulness, and your hunger to find the truths in the world that would make you relentless in exploring whatever task at hand, no matter how boggling it seems to the outside world.
Magizoologist. Whether exploring new species like Newt Scamander or wrangling dragons like Charlie Weasley, you have the insatiable curiosity and keen sense of adventure that is absolutely necessary to this career path. Your ability to keep an open mind and naturally extroverted nature incline even the most ferocious of beasts to trust you.
Muggle Relations. You are naturally responsible and have an uncanny knack of keeping track of seemingly a thousand things at once, which means you wouldn't get your feathers ruffled with this very demanding position. You would take your commitment to shielding non-Magical folk from wizard happenings very seriously, and the world would be a safer place for it.
Joke Shop Inventor. You may be naturally reserved, but you also have a creativity and an eccentricity that shines when you're given an outlet for it. Boredom is your worst enemy, and although you are not too keen on huge crowds, you live to put a smile on other people's faces. George Weasley is going to need a sharp mind like yours to come up with new prank ideas.
Lead Singer Of A Wizarding Band. The Weird Sisters are getting on in their years, and it's time for a brand new star to take the stage: YOU. You were instilled with a deep love and appreciation for art and music from birth, and although you crave being alone, you also thrive on the energy of crowds and the idea that your art can change the world. As Dumbledore said, "Ah, music! A magic beyond all we do here!"
Images: Warner Bros; Giphy