Don't hate me, but, when my brother texted me to watch the new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer on Monday night, I decided to table it for a long 12 hours. I mean, I was in a crowded bar mainlining Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror episodes at the time, but, the thing is, candidly, I don't really consider myself more of a casual than a rabid Star Wars fan, at least considering the magnitude of the Star Wars fanaticism spectrum. Then why did I start bawling halfway through the new trailer for The Force Awakens this morning? Turns out, if you have even a little bit of the force in you, Star Wars tends to put you on an emotional roller coaster.
And I know you feel it, too. It is nearly impossible to not put some emotional stock and new hope into this trilogy. And, every time we reunite with old favorites (Chewie, I love you), and gradually familiarize with the enigmatic newbies (I don't know what Rey's deal is, but she seems like a badass), it becomes a lot to handle.
So, take a deep breath. Relax. And let's re-watch the trailer so we can relive the 14 emotional phases all Star Wars fans go through.
1. Creeping Dread When It Comes To Sequels
Though you want to be elated, somewhere in the back of your mind is a voice that makes you skeptic of sequels.
2. Seeing The Amazing Promos & Relaxing Accordingly
Your nerves are calmed down, you can relax, this is going to be cool.
3. You Give Into This Cultural Moment And The Excitement Grows
You know, actually, you couldn't be more pumped for the new Star Wars, this is going to be awesome.
4. Your Heart Jumps As Rey Appears On Screen
Who is she, after all? Your heart sinks again as she answers with a simple, "no one."
5. "Lucasfilm" Appears On Screen And You Momentarily Lose Your Mind
Oooooh my god, this is happening, this is really happening.
6. Rapt Silence And Intense Gazing As Finn Says He Has "Nothing To Fight For"
I can sense character development in the near future, and it is beautiful.
7. An Immediate Jumble Of Mixed Feels At Kylo Ren's Darth Vader Voice
Like at first it gave you an intense throwback, but then you could hear that dash of Adam Driver at the end of his voice, and it took you out of the moment.
8. When Han And Leia's Theme Comes On And You Get Misty Eyed
Wait, is that...? Could it be...? Stay calm, you're OK, it's going to be OK, don't lose it.
9. And Then When It Switches To The Amped Up Binary Sunset Song And You Actually Start Crying
NOOOO, I CAN'T DO THIS, IT'S WAY TOO MUCH TO HANDLE, HOW CAN THERE BE ALL THIS BEAUTY IN THE WORLD?
10. And The Action Picks Up And Your Heart Is Racing
Your mind is screaming "yes," but you're also very afraid you're about to faint.
11. Around The Time You Get a Glimpse Of Princess Leia You Explode Into A Firestorm Of Feels
Within the span of two minutes, you've become an inconsolable mess, and you can faintly hear your roommate in the background asking, "Are you okay? You're breathing weird."
12. But Then All Of A Sudden It Ends And You're On The Floor In Agony
Why is it not December yet? Is it possible to just hibernate until then?
13. And Then You Have To Rush To Get Tickets Like Your Life Depends On It
All around you, websites are crashing, but, by god, you got a December 18 showing at 4:30 and all is momentarily right with the world.
14. But Once It's All Over, You Can Finally Watch The Trailer Again Another 16 Times With Far Less Panic And Only Minimal Sobbing
Yes, the wait is so long, but you think it'll be worth it. Can somebody pass the tissue box?
Man, that was exhausting. I'll see you next time they release a new 15 second teaser or something.
Images: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures (1); Giphy (14)