11 Burning Questions We All Have About 'Harry Potter And The Cursed Child'

Yesterday J.K. Rowling dropped a bit of news that spread faster than a Howler going off in the Great Hall when she announced that Harry Potter And The Cursed Child is about Albus Severus Potter, Harry Potter's second son, and would serve as a sequel to the books. Anybody who has heard anything about the upcoming play, slated to open on the West End in 2016, already knew that it wasn't a prequel — but for some reason in our inability to reconcile this, very few of us considered that this play would start exactly where the books left off.

We don't know a lot about Albus Severus Potter, aside from the fact that he was arguably saddled with the worst name of all time. (Seriously, Harry and Ginny, what were you snorting in St. Mungo's that day?) We last leave him on the train platform after Harry quells his last lingering fears before heading off for his first year at Hogwarts. He boards the train with his brother, waves goodbye, and then ... "All was well," according to J.K. Rowling. Correction: All was well ... ish. Enter J.K. Rowling's description of the plot:

It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children.

While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.

UM, I love you, J.K., but — ominous much?! The only other information we have to go off is that the play starts right where the books left off, that it is so "epic" that it had to be in two parts, and that it will feature a cast of about 30 characters. As amazing as this all is, we are decidedly left with way more questions than we have answers, including and not limited to:

Exactly how much of Albus Severus's life is this going to cover?

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The fact that it's a cast of 30 could mean a lot of things, but chief among them is that maybe several people are playing Albus Severus — one of them at early school age, another as a teenager, another as an adult. The words "epic" and "two part" also seem to indicate that this is the kind of story that will span a significant chunk of time.

Which of our favorite characters are going to be in this version?

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Back to that cast of 30 thing — if I don't get to see Hermione, Ron, Luna, Neville, and hell, even Oliver Wood (no, YOU'RE a deluded Quidditch fangirl), I'm going to be sorely disappointed. (I say, as if I will ever be able to scrounge up enough money to attend this beautiful affair.)

Are we going to be spending most of the play at Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

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Real talk, though: What is going into the set on this? As a bonafide theater kid, I am super curious about where this is going to be set, and where all the shiz will go down. We are so used to everything going colossally wrong on the Hogwarts grounds itself that I'm inclined to think it will mostly be set at the school, but it also seems like Harry Potter himself will be featured prominently in this, so maybe it will be in the Potter home.

What house was Albus Severus sorted into?!

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Rowling has kept suspiciously mum about this. Last month she tweeted and let us know that James Sirius Potter was sorted into Gryffindor, and yes, Harry assures Albus Severus that the Sorting Hat will take his distaste at getting sorted as a Slytherin into account ... but what if it doesn't?What if the conflict of this play begins the very moment Albus Severus is marked as "different" in the Potter family for getting put in the very house that produced the dark wizards Harry hates most?

Will Albus Severus be friends with Draco's son?

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I just really want Albus and Scorpius to be bros. I just really want it to happen. It would be the most full circle, awesome thing that ever happened, and oh, THINK of the drama it would create if Harry and Draco tried to put a plug on it. JUST THINK. (The rest of fan fiction nerds already did.)

Speaking of, will Albus Severus have any ~love interests~?

I'm not saying I 'ship Albus and Scorpius but I'm just saying IT WOULD BE THE MOST POETIC THING THAT EVER HAPPENED, OK?! And just think! Unlike his namesake, Albus could be open about his sexual identity, and also help un-burn a bridge from the sins of their fathers and OK, OK, I'm getting carried away, but don't tell me you wouldn't want this, too.

What kind of parents will Harry and Ginny be?

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Like, they were secretly macking each other in the Burrow six seconds ago, and now they're parents? That's already bizarre enough to handle on its own, but the play seems to hinge on a father-son relationship that we don't have that clear of an idea about yet. Namely, we have an idea of what it's like when Albus Severus is 11; time will only tell how his relationship with his parents will change throughout the play.

Will we even like middle-aged Harry Potter?

I feel like if I saw this play it would be like accidentally sticking myself into a time machine in my own life and seeing all my friends middle-aged with a bunch of kids while I was still stuck as my 24-year-old self. Would we still be bros? Will we root for old Harry the way we rooted for him when he was a precious cinnamon roll, too good, too pure for this world? Or will we root for Albus Severus at Harry Potter's expense?

Who is going to play all of these iconic characters?

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Read: IS DAN RAD COMING BACK TO PLAY HIMSELF?! He wouldn't even have to be naked in this one! (I think?)

What is the "darkness"? What is the "unexpected place" it is coming from?! DO MY EMOTIONS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, J.K. ROWLING?!

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I JUST WANTED TO LIVE THIS FRIDAY WITHOUT TAILSPINNING INTO AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, YOU BEAUTIFULLY INTELLIGENT, INFINITELY WISE, RIDICULOUSLY GENEROUS MONSTER.

Where the hell are we all going to live when we trade our rent for tickets to see this show?

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Call me immediately if you have a plan.

Images: Warner Bros; Giphy