If you've ever wondered how to have longer orgasms or how to have stronger orgasms, you may be someone like me who suffers from orgasm duds. Orgasm duds are basically the most frustrating thing you will ever experience. All the build up, all of the excitement, and then all of a sudden a little tiny dust cloud of an orgasm that leaves you wondering if even happened at all. They don't happen all the time, or even that regularly, but once every couple of weeks I have one that happens so weakly and so quickly it leaves me confused and annoyed.
So how can you avoid this? What's the key to a longer orgasm? Or even, dare I dream, a really long, mind-blowing, even a tantric orgasm? I've heard of these 10-minute orgasms, like some adult fairytale passed from person to person, so I finally did the research and the one thing it all seems to come down to is: patience.
That's right, if you want to have an unbelievably long orgasm, it seems like the real key is to put the time in to make it happen. You can't rush... at all. Anything. For example, here's what Timothy Ferris, author of The 4-Hour Body, claims will give you a 15 minute orgasm. He claims. I don't necessarily buy it, but I'm interested. Here's the thing— it involves 5 steps (5?!) the last two of which include:
"... ask him to stroke like a metronome at a constant speed for periods of two to three minutes, changing speed between periods. Have him keep this up for 15 minutes. You'll most likely start to feel intense pleasure... Once the 15 minutes have elapsed, he should do something called "grounding", which just means applying strong pressure down on the pubic bone and up toward your head, using overlapping hands. (It sort of looks like he's doing chest compressions, only on your nether regions.) Usually the strongest possible pressure the most pleasurable for ending a session."
And that's after all the prep. You can find the whole guide for the 15-minute orgasm at Cosmopolitan, but the point is, you're going to have to be patient. Sound unrealistic? You can take the same patience principle and apply it in your own time to increase the length and strength of your orgasm.
If you're anything like me, your masturbation process is a bit of a race to the finish. Not that you're actually trying to finish as fast as you possibly can, but the whole thing is a bit perfunctory. Give yourself some time. Rather than going with what you know, start by being a bit more exploratory, focusing on nipples or playing with yourself through your underwear, before moving on to the good stuff. Then try slow, methodical, movements, and be patient— the more worked up you can get yourself the better the chances of having a longer, more mind-blowing orgasm. Whether it's by yourself or with a partner, time is key.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on the best sex positions for the female orgasm