The 'Scandal' Wedding Won't Happen For These 7 Reasons & You Know It

Wait, hold the wine, popcorn, and cell phone. Is this really happening? Are Fitz and Olivia going to get married on Scandal , for real? According to the official ABC press release for Thursday's episode, "Fitz and Olivia are presented with a shocking plan that might just make all of their troubles go away." Based on the sneak peak, that means Cyrus is planning a shotgun wedding for the two star-crossed lovers. Having had three of his own, I guess he's the expert. Is that really so shocking? It's been tossed around this season already. The real question is, what's going to stop this wedding now that it's in motion. I know Scandal. I know that something will go horribly wrong before this is all over.

I would love to be made a fool on this. I dare them to go through with this and be married, honestly. That's the kind of twist that would really interest me, because part of me can't imagine what the tension on Scandal would be if Fitz and Olivia were legally together. She is not a fantasy! I'm also not saying that there will be no show if this really does happen. There are plenty of stories to tell about Fitz and Olivia adjusting to married life with the added stakes of being scrutinized in the public eye. It would cause as many emotional and political problems as it would solve, sadly. All that said, I'm not buying that Fitz and Olivia will really get married on Scandal any time soon, and here's why.

Someone Will Probably Die

Sadly, that's the most likely scenario. We rarely have happy moments on Scandal without death.

The POTUS Is Busy Being Impeached

Priorities, people.

Mellie and Fitz Aren't Divorced Yet

Again with the priorities. They don't have the legal power to get married yet, and Mellie is sure to keep those cards close for as long as she can.

Eli's Coming

There is absolutely no way on B613's green Earth that Papa Pope is going to allow Fitz to get his happy ending.

Olivia Won't Want To Be First Lady

Mellie made a good point a few weeks ago. Do we really want Olivia to be First Lady? I don't want that for her. She's better as a fixer.

Huck Might Have A Dentist Appointment

No, I mean like a real dentist's appointment — not a torture appointment, though that's possible. However, I honestly believe that something this trivial could blow up into a whole thing. You know, like Abby has a family emergency and Olivia calls off the wedding to be with her friend. Anything to keep that tension pulled for another week.

Edison Could Sing A Song

The Phantom of the Opera on YouTube

But really, Norm Lewis was on this show for how many episodes and didn't so much as croon a "For She's A Jolly Good Fellow" or a holiday tune? Shame. He was nominated for a Tony for Porgy and Bess and played the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway opposite Sierra Boggess (and they also played Ariel and King Triton in The Little Mermaid together but that's not weird). The Senator may not be Olivia's biggest fan right now, but I believe in the power of his voice.

Seriously, something has to stop this wedding from happening. It's #Olitz and it won't go off without a hitch or fifty — and knowing Scandal, it will be a little bit more dramatic than a change of heart.

Images: Nicole Wilder/ABC; Giphy (6)