How To Whine About The Cold Without Being Annoying

Cold enough for you? Oh, how people love to ask that question this time of year! They think they’re sooo funny, as if the redundancy of it is just the most hilarious damn thing in the history of the world. Ha. Ha. Argh.

When the weather is this cold you’ll run into these aforementioned comedians, plus the complainers, whiners, polar vortex martyrs, it's-colder-here-than-there reverse braggarts, and the list goes on. These charming folk take to social media with dramatic posts about the temperature, they upload photos of thermometers every ten minutes, or they go into selfie overdrive with pictures of themselves bundled up as if they’re in the wilds of Siberia. Look, you guys! I’m so cold! We may live in the same city, but I’m colder than you! Look! I have the proof. You’re not special; we’re all freezing our asses off during this weather.

Since complaining, on some level, is virtually impossible not to partake in this week, you might as well make your pissing and moaning bearable for the rest of us. Do you really want to be the most annoying person in the office or on social media today? Probably not. Or maybe you do? If that’s the case, then by all means, my friend, go forth and conquer. But if you’re in the former category and you have some gripes you’d like to make, here’s how to do it without people wanting to smack you upside the head and tell you to get a grip.

For the love of god, don’t cry about it. Besides, your tears will freeze to your face, which is never a good look.

Keep your photos of the weather to a minimum. You know, because we get it. We live in this world, too.

As well as photos of yourself out in the weather enjoying it...

Or being miserable.

You're not going to believe this, but we get it. Seriously. We do.

Oh, and definitely don't brag about currently being on a beach vacation somewhere sunny and warm. We hate you.

And don't list every part of your body that you're pretty sure will fall off today if you're not shipped to a warmer climate immediately.

Or brag about how you were in the Caribbean or some place equally sweltering this time last year. So? You want a medal?

Because right now you're Just. Like. Us.

Which means you're not a special snowflake after all...

And we're all feeling the pain that comes with these single digit temperature equally.

So take all that energy wasted on complaining and doing something constructive.

Which ideally will involve you and a blanket, faraway from the rest of society, because we don't want to hear it.

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