At long last, Gladiators and Shondaland fans alike have a teen drama they can sink their teeth into. Thursday night, the first episode of the Scandal parody Scandal High debuted on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the first of four "lost" episodes. And, if you’re still on the fence about whether this is the best idea of the week or the best idea of all time, let me be the first to tell you: Scandal High is basically Scandal meets Gossip Girl.
I mean, granted, Scandal High satirizes pretty much every teen drama that popped up in the early to mid 2000s. I think the Michelle Branch song is straight up ripped out of Buffy Season 6 (more 2002 than anything, really). But everything else, from the costuming, to the texting, to the general tone of draaaaaaama is blatantly Gossip Girl. And, just in case you think I’m crazy, I re-watched the clip to capture everything that emulates the greatest show of our time. (Ahem. With all due respect to Scandal. I just prefer my drama a bit less political; it’s why I zoned out during the Tripp Vanderbilt affair.)
Anyway, feel free to check out the clip below, and then stay tuned for all the things Scandal High imitates from Gossip Girl.
1. A Soothing Narrator Who Oversees All The Day-To-Day Drama
In the Gossip Girl universe this was the voice of Kristen Bell (coughandDanHumphreycough), while, at Scandal High, Kerry Washington seems to be taking up that role.
2. Prep Academy Uniforms
Seriously? I think Blair had that neck tie in all of the promotional material. And ,just like Gossip Girl, nobody's uniform is consistent and/or anywhere within the realm of an acceptable dress code for Catholic school students.
3. "Golden Boys" With Ridiculous Names
In a move that shocked no one, Tony Goldwyn is running for class president in the guise of "Hunter." Which is pretty cringeworthy, but is "Fitz" all that better?
4. Man Bangs
I mean, Tony Rosen's hair reads "Nate Archibald," but his demeanor is definitely more in the Chuck Bass camp.
5. Jenny Humphrey?
Noooooo, Jenny Humphrey would be wearing more eye make-up.
6. The Unholy Matrimony Of Fishnets And Plaid Skirts
Left over from the Jenny Humphrey era of Constance. Hey, I'm all about goth style, but 7th grade me never committed fashion faux pas like that.
7. Lusting After Teachers
Subverted in Gossip Girl, because it's Miss Carr who pounces on Dan after she thinks she was fired. Subverted here, because the teacher is openly gay. Also, if we're going to be honest, every teen drama has a teacher-student romance subplot. It's essential.
8. Text Alerts That The Entire Student Body Is Subscribed To
And Washington, being the Gossip Girl figure here, is obi the one to send them out.
9. Someone Being Framed
Gossip Girl was nothing if not a tangled web of misconceptions.
10. Best Friend Break-Ups In The Schoolyard.
"This is the endship to our friendship." Wow, it's like if Nate Archibald said it himself.
11. Of-The-Moment Pop Music Playing In The Background
They break out Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" here because it's, you know, 2015, but I would've lost it if it was some Rihanna circa 2007. Classic Gossip Girl.
12. Someone Behind the Scenes Looking To Take Over The School
To be continued...
Can we make this into a real show please? Like right now?
Images: JimmyKimmelLive/YouTube (13)