Peanut Blart and jelly! Things are lookin' GOOD for The Paul Blart: Mall Cop sequel. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Andy Fickman is in talks to direct the Sony Pictures movie. This is BIG NEWS for me. I've been waiting for a Paul Blart sequel since 2009. Did I see Paul Blart: Mall Cop in theaters? Uh huh. Would I see a sequel? You bet. Even if the sequel's director didn't direct the first movie? I'll deal with it. I am forever and always a Paul Blart fan, so yes, I will be there. A director change will not scare me away.
If Kevin James wasn't reprising his role as the titular character, however? That'd be a different story. I'd run for the hills. But fear not! James will Blart again, and he and Nick Bakay will cowrite the movie. James and Bakay cowrote the first Paul Blart: Mall Cop. The movie that features a battle scene in A RAINFOREST CAFE. Try to convince me that scene wasn't written for my soul.
As a fan of the first movie, I want only the best for the sequel. Here are my humble requests:
1. Stick Paul Blart In the Mall of America
GO BIG OR GO HOME. There's an amusement park in this labyrinth of a mall. Paul Blart would go HAM.
2. More Segway jokes
If the sequel doesn't have any Segway bits, I'll write an angry letter a Senator. Not my Senator, necessarily. Just a Senator.
3. Segway parkour
The first movie gave us Segway and Parkour. It'd be neat if the two were combined in the sequel.
4. Give Paul Blart Google Glass
Oh, the hilarity that'd ensue if Paul Blart wore Google Glass! So many accidental searches. So many uncomfortable exchanges.
5. A Call-back To this:
...because it's the truest thing that's ever been said.
Images: Columbia Pictures; tmc102464/tumblr