What would Thanksgiving be without turkey, pumpkin pie, Black Friday, and tons of prying and personal questions from your relatives? We all know that turkey day isn't only an excuse to get together, enjoy a meal, and focus on what we're grateful for. It's also the perfect opportunity for your nosy aunt or pushy grandma to ask you ridiculous questions about your life — as well as to remind you how important it is to get married soon and push out some babies. Because, you're getting pretty old, you know. Really, you're basically an old maid (BRB, rolling my eyes).
Covering everything from your job to your love life, there are apparently no topics that are off limits at the Thanksgiving dinner table. And, if your relatives are as insistent as mine are, you simply won't escape without stammering your way through an awkward answer. I just got married this summer, so I'm already mentally gearing up for the barrage of "When are the babies coming?!" questions. Sit down and eat your pie, people. You'll be waiting a while.
There's very little that can actually prepare you to eloquently respond to these impossibly uncomfortable questions — especially when your answer isn't the one your relatives want. But, you can at least try your best to field these questions without ducking into the bathroom every five minutes, or chugging way too much red wine. So, buckle up, people. Here are eight questions you'll inevitably be asked when you head home for Thanksgiving. Proceed with caution.
1. "So, what do you do again?"
Careers are pretty much the standard conversation ice breaker, so you're going to wind up answering this question at least 10 times. And, if you work in digital media or some other modern industry your relatives will just never understand, prepare to be fielding questions all night long. Or you could, you know, just lie.
2. "Oh, so you can make money doing that sort of thing?"
If you do go down the road of trying to explain what you actually do, you can expect a lot of shock and awe resulting from the fact that you can actually support yourself doing that. Those unbelievably personal questions about exactly how much you make? Well, they're inevitable too.
3. "Are you seeing anyone special?"
For some reason, your entire extended family is invested in your love life. And, they basically feel entitled to know whether or not you're dating anybody "special." Even if you currently are, you're better off lying and just saying "Nope, not right now!" Otherwise, you can plan on spending your entire meal spilling every single detail about your new significant other — when really, all you want to dish on is seconds.
4. "What happened to that sweet guy you brought home last year?"
We broke up, grandma. Turns out, he wasn't so nice. So, stop asking about him. He's not coming back.
5. "Are there any babies in the near future?"
Whether you're married or you've been single for years, your relatives don't care. They're just itching for a new family member to add to the Thanksgiving table. If you're not planning on babies anytime soon? Well, get ready for that frightening chat about fertility issues, and how you'll "dry up" before you know it. (It's not true, by the way. Everyone can just relax.)
6. "Why don't you move home?"
Home is where the heart is, right? So, your family can't possibly understand why you'd want to live so far away. Why don't you move home to live with your parents? You could save so much money, and your grandma's bridge partner's grandson is newly single. It's perfect!
7. "How often do you call your mother? Are you calling her enough?"
Oh, that inevitable awkward tension that fills the air every time you visit with your extended family. Just because you moved away, you must think that you're just too good for them now. You've left them in the dust. And, it's automatically assumed that you're not keeping your mom in the loop. Aunt Janice, I promise I call her. But, I can't chat with her all day, every day.
8. "Your hair would look so much cuter like this. Is that a tattoo?"
Why do you wear your bangs like that? Why on earth would you ruin your perfect face with that nose piercing? Is that a tattoo they see peeking out? Your answer: who cares? Then, give thanks that this holiday only comes around once a year.