It was such a bummer that Chanel No. 2 didn't even survive the series premiere, am I right? But, her face-off with the Red Devil wasn't the last we saw of No. 2 and Ariana Grande returned to Scream Queens this week long enough to give us some insight as to what hell is really like and warn Chanel that the other Kappas were plotting her murder. The Nov. 3 episode "Beware of Young Girls" kicked off with Chanel No. 2's open casket funeral (it was what she wanted, you guys — and the casket was pink). Her parents were away on vacation and missed her funeral (that's pretty cold, IMHO), which left Chanel to deliver the eulogy. She told the attendees that No. 2 never had her back and she hopes she's burning in hell right now, then they all went on their merry way. Nothing weird about that.
But things really got interesting when the Chanels used a Ouija board (one with cute little pentagrams, of course) to contact No. 2 in hopes of solving the Red Devil mystery. First, she naturally had to prove that she was the real deal — and she did so by correctly answering how many tampons No. 6 had in her purse and naming the cereal No. 3 choked on as a small child. Of course, she hilariously messed with Chanel — and really, can you blame her? She spelled out "Chad is cheating on you" and answered "You" when Chanel finally got around to asking her who is going around killing everyone. (Hehe. You gotta respect a girl who has a sense of humor even when she's in hell.)
Naturally, Chanel was having none of it. "I'm done with you! Have fun going to dinner with Osama bin Laden!" She shouted before storming out of the room — because Chanel apparently thinks hell is just a congregation of notorious dead people. But, lest you think Chanel No. 2 is a totally bad friend, you should know that she returned to warn Chanel that all the other Chanels were plotting her murder. She even apologized and explained that she's just in a bad mood because, surprisingly enough, hell is "not fun." The biggest disappointment? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there are no dinosaurs in hell. (Jesus stole them, in case you were wondering where they went.) And beware of those water slides — because they're actually made of razor blades. Yikes. I mean, I figured hell was bad but I didn't think it was that bad.
Chanel didn't seem terribly surprised to learn that her minions were plotting her demise and immediately asserted that she would beat them to the punch by murdering them first. That'll show 'em! But Chanel No. 2 wisely advised her to be the bigger person and be a leader — and, for once, Chanel listened. So, is all well among the Kappa Sisters now? Not quite. Chanel made amends with the other Chanels by telling them they all need to band together to kill Grace and Zayday. Seriously, ladies — find a method to show solidarity that doesn't involve a death plot! I promise, there are ways.
And as for poor Chanel No. 2? Well, I don't think offing Grace and Zayday was exactly what she had in mind when she visited Chanel to make amends. But, you can't win 'em all — and she shouldn't feel too badly that her plan didn't work. At least we all know exactly what hell is like now — and the sad, sad truth is that there are no dinosaurs.
Image: Patti Perret/FOX