Truth: Your body is not something you should ever apologize for. Sex is not a favor that someone does for you despite your body. In fact, there are a whole host of things you should never say or do when you're naked, because you're a body positive goddess. You don't have to act like your raw, unedited, panties-on-the-floor sexiness is anything but a gift. No — the gift. The best gift.
When I spoke with couples, both as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and a Planned Parenthood-Certified Responsibly Sexuality Educator, you'd be surprised how many self-conscious women asked if their vaginas were normal... and whose partners didn't care. So many women said they thought losing weight would make them have better sex, while their partners rolled their eyes.
Your sex partners want to see you comfortable in your own skin, according to Woman's Day, and they're much less observant of your perceived flaws than you are. Plus, it's sexytime, not "let's talk about our emotional issues involving body positivity and self-esteem" time. Not that there isn't a place for that conversation, but once your clothes are off, deep conversation is probably the last thing on anyone's mind. So if you commit any of the following nakedness sins, replace the with habits that reflect the awesomeness you are.
1. "Don't Look At Me"
Nope. Look at all of it. Take it all in. This body is rockin' and we're about to get down, so if you don't like what I have to offer, hop off this train to make room for people who can appreciate this. Sorry, I get carried away, but I speak the truth. You're naked and all signs point to sexiness. Don't deprive your partner of the joy of your body.
2. "I Hate My..."
Naked time is certainly not the time for self-hate. The media floods us with unrealistic expectations about what we should look like, according to Riann Smith in an article for Cosmopolitan, but it's up to us to decide if we believe those messages. Accepting that our bodies are perfect, just the way they are, starts with us. Plus, body hate is a total mood killer.
3. "Do You Like My..."
It's one thing to ask if your partner likes a part of your body as a form of sexy talk, but it's another if you're looking for approval. We all get uncomfortable naked from time to time, but we are all allowed to feel beautiful and confident, according to Aimee Robertson of Evolved World.
4. "Turn The Lights Off" (Because You're Trying To Hide)
Again, asking to turn the lights off (because you don't want your partner to see you) implies that there's something about your body that shouldn't be seen. That should be hidden away by the darkness. According to Jessica Booth in an article for women's lifestyle site Gurl, dim lighting lets you and your partner see each other while also setting the mood. Dim the lights because it's ideal for sex, not to hide your body. Anyone who doesn't love every inch of you doesn't deserve to have sex with you.
5. "Sorry About My [X Body Part]"
No apologies. According to Vanessa Marin for Xojane, naked time is when you focus on pleasure and sensation. There's not much pleasure in apologizing for the way you look, especially when there's nothing wrong with the way you look to begin with. Marin also recommends having your partner love and worship area of your body that you might be self-conscious about to prove that it's all about what feels good.
6. "You Don't Want To See That"
Really? Odds are, if you're heading toward sexytown, the other person really does want to see that. Never skip an opportunity to try something new, like a sexy dance or a new position, because of how you look. You're only limiting the quality of your sexual experience. If you can, just for it!
And not to sound like a buzzkill, because hookups can be awesome, but communication with a partner you know and trust, and who worships your body in the way it deserves, is great for the sexytime self-esteem.