What She Doesn't Want You To Do When You Go Down

For a lot of people, oral is the best sex move they can imagine. It's incredibly intimate, it can feel amazing, and it can work as both a grand finale or foreplay for something else. But some people still find giving oral intimidating — I certainly did the first few times I went down on a girl. So how do you go down on your girlfriend?

Obviously, everyone has their own preferences, so I'm not going to go into specific techniques. What works for one person isn't necessarily going to work on the next. But there are some things that just should and shouldn't accompany cunnilingus — and I say that as both a giver and receiver.

Granted, going down on a woman can be complicated. I've always found it less straightforward than giving a blowjob, in part because vulvas are all so different. Despite that, it's so much fun; definitely one of my favorite sex moves. If you're new to it and feeling unsure, just pay attention to what she's responding to, and it'll be fine.

But for a basic starter kit, here are a few things she probably doesn't want you to do during oral. Because too much eye contact and teeth can make it uncomfortable for everyone.

1. Using Teeth

Nope. I mean, I'm sure there are some circumstances where a light (LIGHT) nibble or grazing feels good, especially if it's not right on the vulva or clit. But if you're in those sensitive areas, then don't get carried away. Teeth hurt.

2. Not Committing

Go for it. The first few times I went down on a girl, I had no idea what I was doing, but jumped right in and acted confident while I figured it out. I knew from people going down on me that someone tentatively feeling around down there is not sexy, and can be a bit awkward. Commit to what you're doing. If they don't love it, then you can always change tactics. Your passion will make it hot.

3. Complaining

I don't think that anyone should do anything they're not into in bed, and I would rather someone just not do something than complain. I've never been with a guy or girl who didn't like going down on girls, but I've heard of people complaining that they're tired or sore or that it's taking too long. You can give a tongue a break and switch to something else, but moaning about it is just going to make everyone uncomfortable.

4. Relying On Just The Tongue

Maybe this works for some women, but in my friend group, it seems to be pretty unanimous that some combination of tongue and fingering is the way to make oral amazing. Unless you have a really, really strong tongue, focusing just on that is likely to be a bit frustrating.

5. Changing It Up At The Last Minute

Of course you want to try different things, especially if you're new together and want to work out what she likes. But if oral is something that makes her orgasm and she's near the brink, then don't change what you're doing . The same thing that is getting her there will push her over, so don't be tempted to try a fancy move at the last minute.

6. Staring ... A Lot

A little eye contact? Great. Super sexy. But it can get too intense and awkward if there's a pair of eyes staring at you to see how much you're enjoying it. Try to relax and get into yourself — focus on her enjoying it, and you won't need to check in to make sure she is.

7. Pressuring Her To Finish

I know that cunnilingus is supposed to be the be-all and end-all, but for some women, it just doesn't push them over the edge. Maybe there's not enough pressure, or they need more time — whatever the case, it doesn't matter. The point is that no matter how great you think your skills are, don't be offended or make them feel bad if they're not getting off. As long as you've been paying attention to her, she's enjoying it anyway.

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