So, you're in a relationship. A happy relationship. A maybe-this-could-be-forever relationship. But if you are anything like me, your indecision makes even choosing a coffee order in the morning a five-minute long ordeal. How, exactly, do you know if you're choosing something wisely? (I'm not talking about coffee anymore.) Between which career you want to pursue to what city you want to live in to hell, what you want to wear each day, it seems like the pressure is constantly mounting when it comes to choosing a life that you honestly want to live. Never is this so scary, or so uncertain, as when it comes to picking a life partner if that is, of course, something you want to choose.
Of the many things it can seem as though we came into adulthood unprepared to tackle, the ability to determine what it is we want, need, and should be looking for in a long-term significant other may be at the top of the list. Whether that's because it's a totally subjective thing or because we just weren't formally or officially taught about the part of our lives that would make up not only one of the biggest chunks of them, but the most meaningful — our relationships — is up for debate. Regardless, it's up to us to figure it out now, or at least, as we go. The following may be nothing more than a jumping off point for you, and that's OK. The point, regardless, is simply that you're conscious of what it is you really want, and you're able to align yourself with someone who complements and supports and embraces that person. In the words of her highness Carrie Bradshaw: "If you can find someone to love the you that you love ... well, that's just fabulous."
You're Strangely, Completely, Entirely Comfortable With Them
You could spend days with them on end, don't feel like you need to keep any secrets, don't feel judged for any voluntary or involuntary bodily functions, and so on. You cannot forget that choosing a life partner is essentially choosing your family, and the one person who you're going to spend every unfiltered, imperfect moment with.
They're The First Person You Want To Call When Something Wonderful Happens And When Something Terrible Happens
Coincidentally, they're also the person who you want to call and tell the mundane everyday details to. Either way, they are your confidante, and they know everything about you.
You Don't Lose Yourself In The Relationship — It Is Part Of Your Life, Not The Entirety Of It
This may at first seem almost off-putting, especially if your concept of a happy relationship previously was that you would (happily) lose yourself in it completely. The right relationship, however, makes you more of who you are, not less.
You Agree On The Things That Are Important To Agree On
Whatever those "things" are is up to you, but if agreeing on spirituality is important for you, you need to be on the same page. Whether it's that or parenting, or retirement plans, or whatever else, you need to make sure you're more alike than you are different, and your differences are bearable, if not complementary of one another.
A Formal Commitment To One Another Wouldn't Change That Much About Your Relationship
It would be a representation, or even celebration of your love for one another and your relationship to each other. It would not be the beginning of your commitment, just a means of celebrating it more.
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