'Sleepy Hollow': How do you trap a demon?

We could spend this entire recap — maybe several! — focusing exclusively on Ichabod’s fashion makeover at the top of Monday's Sleepy Hollow. Those skinny jeans! That nice, form-fitting shirt, probably from an online mens clothier! Sure, we watch Sleepy Hollow because it's full of wacky plot points and fish-out-of-water humor you won't find anywhere south of American Horror Story. BUT it’s no secret that many Sleepy Hollow fans’ investment in the show is focused primarily on Tom Mison, and his hunkiness. So you know what? Let’s give them all something to blog about. (Obviously I include myself in “them all.”)

But we CAN’T lose ourselves in Mison’s eyes, or his hair, or his remarkable ability to look runway ready in both Colonial-era trench coats and Frank & Oak shirts. No, we’ve got to keep it together for just 500-1,000 words and remember that Sleepy Hollow is a show about thwarting an impending apocalypse, and not just a male look book. Did you all know that next week is the season finale? I certainly had no idea until they announced it over the credits. Which makes the urgency of our task today — you know, breaking down what happened during the episode — that much more powerful. (Stop looking at us that way, Tom Mison.) So let’s break it down the best way you possibly can: as a convenient and easily digestible stat sheet!

DEMON OF THE WEEK: They keep calling the thing “Moloch,” which I’ve always found very confusing. Is Moloch overseeing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, along with all the other lesser demons Ichabod and Abbie have faced? Is Moloch Satan? Or is Moloch in fact just the body-jumping demon who terrorized Irving and his daughter in New York right before Christmas? Let’s just call our demon “Body Jumper” and not beat ourselves up or anything.

WHAT DOES IT WANT: Like every demon, Body Jumper wants GEORGE WASHINGTON’S BIBLE — a centuries-old collection of demon-hunting secrets, that presumably no demon wants just hanging around for demon hunters to utilize. Makes sense. Also to jump bodies and cause terror in all planes of reality, but always with an eye on that bible.

WHO CAN HELP TAKE IT DOWN: Jennie, Abbie’s sister, who was once possessed by Body Jumper. Understandably, she’s hesitant to join the fight because the demon didn’t exactly make her feel great when it was in control of her brain. It’s also difficult to watch a video of yourself where you’ve got Exorcist eyes and are treating the camera like it’s filming the next Paranormal Activity.

HOW TO FIGHT IT: Salt actually works! I mean, so long as it’s an unbroken line or circle preventing the demon from reaching an area it would like to inhabit. If that salt line is broken, you’re effed. But if it’s not, you’re good. Nobody move the salt! Close that door so a draft doesn’t disrupt it! A close second after salt, at least as a temporary measure, is learning Latin. Demons speak in Latin. Every kid at Sleepy Hollow High should be enrolled in AP Latin. Holy water keeps demons at bay but again — temporary measure. The real way to combat a fully-formed Body Jumper? It can only be a FRENCH LANTERN FROM THE TIME OF LOUIS XIV. And it turns out — just as we’ve learned of every Revolutionary war-era hero — that Ben Franklin had a whole bunch of those things in his attic. Over the years they made their way from one hand to the next, eventually settling with a group called the Reapers, who are some sort of militia. Long story.

WHAT’S COMPLICATING THINGS: There’s the fact that this demon can jump from body to body, which isn’t helpful for Irving or frankly any law enforcement, several of whom are possessed by Body Jumper (and at least one killed for the privilege). There’s also the fact that this demon is a f***king demon, i.e. can easily snap priests’ necks (even after they say “be gone, Satan”!) and possess cops’ wheelchair-bound daughters. Getting rid of a Body Jumper is no Sunday drive.

HOW IT ALL GOES DOWN: The demon inhabits Irving’s daughter Macy, which doesn’t sit right with him, but he’s still composed enough to just treat the situation like a hostage negotiation. But that’s preamble. Ichabod, Abbie, and Jennie get their hands on these demon-killing Ben Franklin lanterns and… that’s it. “We’re gonna send you back to hell again.” Once the lantern is lit, it’s really NBD neutralizing the threat, which jumps out of Macy, into the lantern, and presumably straight to hell. In short, evil is taken care of. We win!

WHAT’S NEXT: Something with George Washington, who we learn didn’t die when everybody thinks he did. Maybe he turned into Clancy Brown? Next week is the two-hour season finale, so expect some shit. Until then!

Image: FOX