I consider myself somewhat of a Potter aficionado, a title I feel I have earned after carrying the literal brick that is the fifth book in a backpack and carting it out during my morning commute on subway (what is shame). But today I am bested by Michael Blackmon of BuzzFeed, who noticed something the rest of us did not: the very first reference to a horcrux was in the fifth Harry Potter book, and it is sneaky AF. In fact, it takes place way at the beginning of the novel, right when you're still reeling from the EXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE CAPS LOCK OF ANGRY PUBESCENT HARRY — so if you didn't notice it, nobody can really blame you. (WELL, HARRY CAN. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE HARRY IS 15 AND LIFE. IS. UNFAIR. GUYS.)
Back to the horcrux — as you well now by now, one of the infamous seven splits of Voldemort's soul ended up in a locket, apprehended by none other than Regulus Black. Harry and Dumbledore eventually stumble upon a threatening note from "R.A.B." in the sixth book, warning Voldemort that he has hidden a horcrux and will destroy it as soon as possible, "in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more."
Get ready to bathe in your own awkward sauce, Potterheads, because it turns out we likely saw the very same horcrux Reggie is referring to (NO IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR AWFUL NICKNAMES) back at Grimmauld Place:
“They found an unpleasant looking silver instrument, something like a many-legged pair of tweezers, which scuttles up Harry’s arm like a spider when he picked it up, and attempted to puncture his skin. Sirius seized it and smashed it with a heavy book entitled Nature’s Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy. There was a musical box that emitted a faintly sinister, tinkling tune when wound, and they all found themselves becoming curiously weak and sleepy, until Ginny had the sense to slam the lid shut; a heavy locket that none of them could open; a number of ancient seals …”
To quote a strange viral GIF of American Horror Story ... Surprise, b*tch:
In all likelihood it was Slytherin's locket, among the four things from each House that Voldemort stole and put a fragment of his soul into. Of course, it was eventually identified as a horcrux, and after many shenanigans and tussles and some bizarre ghost imagery of Hermione and Harry making out together naked in the woods, we got this shiny miracle:
BOW CHICKA WHAT?!
In any case, I'm going to get back to rereading the book — again— even though I literally just finished the fifth one two nights ago, because clearly no matter how much time passes, we're still going to find easter eggs in the books that we missed. Go team!!
Images: Warner Bros.; Giphy