'The Muppets Christmas Carol' Is The Best

by Mary Grace Garis

Every December we are bombarded with an onslaught of A Christmas Carol remakes, each offering their own unique spin on the Charles Dickens classic. Chances are you have a favorite, chances are you have a top 20, and chances are that The Muppets Christmas Carol falls somewhere on that list. Because The Muppets Christmas Carol is amazing, and, let’s face it, when you add a bunch of wonky little puppets to a seasonal classic, things get ridiculous real fast.

Which is a great thing, and par for the course. When you watch a Muppets movie (or show, or Lady Gaga Thanksgiving special), you have to brace yourself for maximum wackiness and go along for the ride. It’s part of the experience, after all. Even still, I wanted to just tune in once more to see what strange things could be hiding in this particular version. Trust me, I could dedicate an entire post to figuring out what the hell half of these Muppets even are. But, you know, I have bigger holiday errands to run.

So ‘tis the season to relive all of the wonderfully bizarre things in one of the best Christmas Carols from your childhood, The Muppets Christmas Carol. Which, as per usual, includes...

1. The Part Where We Accept Muppets As Real People

I'm just gonna mention it once, and then we'll never speak of it again.

2. Rizzo The Rat Is Playing Himself

That guy really has some range.

3. Victorian Era London Was A Magical Time, Where People Fraternized With Their Christmas Hams

And wizards camped out on roofs...

...and birds happily sold other birds eggs.

4. Pictured: A Blue, Furry Charles Dickens Who Hangs Out With A Rat

God bless this movie. God bless it, everyone.

5. According To This Song, The Muppet To The Right Is Putting On Rouge

It's how she gets that beautiful blue glow.

6. "Oh, There Goes Mr Humbug, There Goes Mr. Grim, If They Gave A Prize For Bein' Mean, The Winner Would Be Him."

I have to say, "Scrooge" is a really fire track.

7. This Isn't Even The Last Time We See Singing Vegetables

If you were a vegan during this era, you probably had a really hard time ordering anything without a face.

8. Oh, Just Cleaning The Window With My Rat, Like I Always Do

Slap some windex on the panes, scrub it with Rizzo, and you're good to go.

9. Rizzo Is A Gryffindor

Not really sure what house Gonzo is in, though I feel like he'd be good friends with Luna Lovegood.

10. Just Pumping A Rat To Fuel This Fire, As One Does

I don't even.

11. Oh, Of Course Waldorf And Statler Are Both Jacob Marley

Or Jacob Marley and "other." And of course they're gonna sing about it. Just like Dickens intended.

12. They Wear Every Single Chain, Even When They're In The House

Started from the bottom now they're here.

13. The Ghost Of Christmas Past Is Only Consistent In That It Always Looks Terrifying

Just of note, unlike Present (green-robed and Hagrid-ish) and Future (Grim Reaper vibes), the Ghost Of Christmas Past is given a really eclectic, almost vague description in Dickens' novel. Therefore, you consistently get really amazing takes on character, like this one.

14. When You're So High You Don't Realize Gonzo The Great Is Hanging Off Your Feet

Off the ground, that is.

15. Sam The Eagle Taught Ebenezer Everything He Knew

Again, just like in Dickens' original novel.

16. "My First Job Was Here. This Is Fozziwig's Old Rubber Chicken Factory."

Ten thousand awards to Michael Caine for being able to deliver that line with a straight face.

17. "Hey. Here's Mrs. Fozziwig To Start The Party."

"TURN DOWN FOR WHAT." No, they start a carol about how you shouldn't eat singing food.

18. What Even Are These Christmas Guests?

The one on the right looks like he could be Kermit's uncle, but the one on the left looks like a new kind of Pokemon.

19. You Don't Even See Miss Piggy Until Halfway In Through The Film

Which is when the party truly begins.

20. Kermit And Tiny Tim Roll Down The Street Doing A Christmas Rap

Seeing Kermit walk is always a visually daunting thing to behold.

21. Kermit And Piggy's Mixed Frog-And-Piglet Family

So cute.

22. The Twins Support Their Mother's Scrooge-Themed Shade Throwing In Unison

I just want a Muppets show that's all Miss Piggy and her sassy family.

23. I Don't Know, He Looks Pretty Friendly For A Dementor

Like if he asked me the time, I'd only be kind of worried that he'd suck my soul out.

24. Honestly Was Just Waiting For Christmas Future To Be Revealed As Big Bird At This Point

Or another singing vegetable.

You all know how this tale of redemption ends. In spite of it all, The Muppets Christmas Carol is the perfect intro to Christmas Carol season, so make sure to check it off your must-watch list this December if you know what's good for you.

Images: Buena Vista Pictures (26)