It's no secret that the way sex is depicted in the media isn't always ... well, realistic. Most of the time, it's chic and glamorous, with none of the messiness — either literal or metaphorical — that real life sex has in spades. That's where the new BuzzFeed video "If We Were Actually Honest About Sex" comes in. It dismantles a traditional sex scene and plays it back, moment by moment, with what the two people in the situation might actually be thinking. Because let's face it: Sex isn't always just flawless breasts and fiery orgasms.
There's good news for people who dig porn, though. Even though Hollywood still isn't doing the best job of depicting realistic, relatable sex for the masses, feminist porn is making strides in ensuring that people of different genders, orientations, skin colors, sizes, age, and ability are represented in a realistic, non-reductive way. Websites like Crash Pad, Lust Cinema, The Art of Blowjob, and Queer Porn TV all work toward porn that's empowering, rather than homogeneous.
BuzzFeed's video isn't porn, of course, but it certainly taps into the same sex-with-realism vein all those fantastic empowering sites do. So in case you think you're the only one thinking a million things before, during, and after sex, know that we've all been. Who hasn't had these five thoughts go through their head while they're getting it on?
1. "I'm going to go make sure my vagina doesn't smell like cheese."
People with vaginas, you know this feeling — that moment when you're about to get laid and you're not sure what your bits have been up to in terms of sweat or odor today. So you pretend you're going to the bathroom to get sexy and/or more dolled up ... when really, you just want to make sure everything's in check.
2. "I'm going to turn the lights off because I don't want you to see my flaws."
Confidence is sexy, but it's OK if you don't feel confident, too. And goodness knows that a crisis of confidence can kick in when you're having sex with someone new or with someone you know will be a one-night stand. Flicking the lights off, or partially off, is a way of saying, "Yeah, I just want to enjoy the sex and not feel insecure tonight, thanks!"
3. "This is a nice shirt, don't rip it!"
Sometimes, movies make it seem like all rational thought goes out the window when the major players are in the throes of passion. In reality, though, it's OK to not want to literally rip your shirt off. Let's be real: You might use it again on another date soon, and it was a really expensive shirt.
4. "This condom is going to take a while to put on."
Putting on a condom is necessary, but it's not the quickest of processes. So much for seamless sexytimes.
5. "Does this sound real?"
Faking it: It happens. Sometimes when you have sex with someone new and they're not quite hitting the right spot, it's easier to just fake sexy sounds than to tell them to make adjustments to their actions. That said, though, it's probably worth it to speak up. First, it can be incredibly useful for all participants, current and future; and second, it can be sexy as hell.
Check out even more things you would say if you were honest during sex below:
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; BuzzFeedVideo/YouTube (5)