Every year we re-acquaint ourselves with our favorite Christmas classics, movies that are well-worn with love and cherished in our heart the other, you know, 11 months of the year. And at the top of my must-watch list is always A Charlie Brown Christmas, a special that gave holiday hope to blockheads and scrawny trees alike. With those little plastic wanna-be trees selling out every season, A Charlie Brown Christmas has become a strange, mass-marketed marker of the season... and a beloved short that any true lover of Christmas is totally obsessed with.
And when you're a Charlie Brown Christmas fanatic like me (or any other decent human being) there are universal truths about the special and the season that you just know. Truths about the core of Christmas, truths about love facilitating a glowing tree, truths about... I don't know, whatever a Christmas Queen is. Actually, Charlie Brown Christmas is nothing BUT truth about this time of the year, end of, and that's why we have these repeat viewings every year. That's why we need to have repeat viewings. To remember the reason for the season (which is either about Jesus or Coca Cola, I'm not sure).
So gather round, young children, as we collect all the things that every Charlie Brown Christmas fan understands.
1. A Box Of Tissues Has To Be At The Ready When "Christmas Time Is Here" Comes On
The first time I ever experienced a case of the weepies while watching A Charlie Brown Christmas I was 15 and the nostalgia hit me like a ton of bricks. Historically this wave of sadness strikes you in tangent with seasonal depression, so you know, watch out for that.
2. Vince Guaraldi Is A Genius
God, remember a few years back when they re-issued A Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack and you picked up a copy (or six) from Starbucks.
3. Catching Snowflakes With Your Tongue Is The Best
But like anything else, you really want to wait it out a few months until they're ripe.
4. A Great Way To Revive Christmas Cheer Is To Get Involved
Or this is the best way to totally overextend and frustrate yourself during the holiday season. Either/or or both.
5. You Have To Have A Christmas Queen
I'm not entirely sure what that title entails, I just know that 12-year-old Mary Grace made her mom create a "Christmas Queen" costume for our 2003 holiday picture. All copies of that photo have since been born.
6. Money Is A Much More Practical Request Than A New Holiday Barbie
Sally, in her adorable, clipped baby voice, summarizes why perfectly: "All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share." Bless.
7. The Best Way To Dance Is By Over-Utilizing The Same Move Repeatedly
And now that you know this you should totally hit up the club and break out your best shoulder shimmy.
8. Christmas Is A Big Commercial Racket
It's run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know.
9. Beethoven Isn't That Great Because He Never Had His Picture On Bubblegum Cards
Ugh, but don't tell that to your musician non-boyfriend or else he'll get all pissy.
10. There's No Such Thing As A Bad Tree
And even the weakest of trees just need a little love.
11. Oh Yeah, Christmas Is A Religious Holiday
Whether you're religious or not, this part always dawns on you during Linus' "that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."
12. At The End Of The Day, Your Friends Will Come Through For You And Your Sad Little Tree
Even if your friends are child monsters who won't send you a Christmas card.
13. If You're Gonna Sing, Breathing Is Important
Remember kids, the lyrics are "lu lu lu, lu lu lu lu lu" and then breathe.
Images: ABC; Giphy (13)