6 Weird Lies Your Parents Told You About Santa

by Kat Kuehl

There's no doubt that your parents filled you with tons of lies when you were growing up. But, the ridiculous lies your parents told you about Santa have to be among the worst. Yes, only the innocence and naivety of youth could allow you to believe that a man in a red suit rides a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer, squeezes down your chimney, and drops off exactly what you wanted — not to mention the fact that he does this for every kid all across the world on the same night.

Also, I really wish I would've thought to ask my parents what Santa did at the houses that didn't actually have chimneys. I would have liked to see them try to talk their way out of that one. Because they certainly didn't do such a decent job of skirting the "Why does the mall Santa look so much like our next door neighbor?" question.

But, let's cut parents some slack. After all, they're just doing their best to try to keep the magic and mystery of the holiday season alive — which is pretty difficult to do without the occasional (OK, super frequent) white lie.

Even so, some of the lies about jolly ol' Santa that parents have spouted to their own children are just downright ridiculous. Don't believe me? Here are six of the most ridiculous lies about Santa Claus that parents have ever told. You may not believe in Santa anymore. But, as it turns out, you should believe your parents even less.

1. He exists

Let's start with the biggest lie of all, shall we? Obviously, the fact that your parents repeatedly insisted that this jolly man even existed at all is probably the biggest deceit and betrayal that any parent could pull off. Just remember — they did it all for you.

2. He's always watching you

Honestly, parents were probably a little selfish with keeping the Santa lie alive — it made for a great scare tactic. Anytime you began to act up, dear old mom and dad would snap you back into shape by reminding you that Santa always knew what you were up to. Ending up on the naughty list? It's pretty much every kid's worst nightmare.

3. He's everywhere all at once

I don't envy parents having to explain how Santa is able to be at every local shopping center all at the same time. I think my mom just responded with a generic, "He's magical!" and then quickly changed the subject. Good thing I never pushed the issue — I don't think there's any way she could've talked her way out of that one.

4. Santa's elves make Fisher-Price toys

As kids get older, they naturally start to become a little more skeptical about the entire Santa thing. Your parents insisted that he has an army of elves churning out toys in his workshop. So, when a toy showed up under the tree with a Hasbro or Fisher-Price tag still attached, you definitely had questions. If your parents were anything like mine? They explained that sometimes Santa got way too busy, and had to do some shopping too. Hey, he was spending all of that time at the mall anyway.

5. He only likes a certain type of cookie

Alright, this is definitely a lie that my parents told selfishly. Leaving milk and cookies out for Santa was one of my favorite things. But, I was a creative kid who was always trying to put a twist on the standard tradition. So, one year when I really wanted to leave Santa crackers and grapes, my dad insisted that Santa would really prefer chocolate chip cookies. Good one, dad.

6. He still exists

I distinctly remember the moment when I asked my mom if Santa was real. It was obviously a moment she had been preparing for her whole life, as she gave me a poem about how Santa "lives on in your heart." Basically, she tried to completely skirt the issue and tell me that he sort of exists — if I want him to. I'm still bitter about that, mom.

But, it turns out, the news could've been broken to me in a way worse way. This Quora user found out that Santa didn't exist — from Santa himself. That memory is sure to haunt him for a long time.

Looking for more holiday cheer? Check out Bustle on YouTube.

Images: Raphael Goetter/Flickr; Giphy (6)