Why You're Better Off After Losing The Person You Thought Was "The One"
For a long time, I thought I'd lost "the one." I actually accepted the fact I would never love someone the same way I loved this person, and that whoever I ended up with would always be second; not the epitome of my other half, which was the way I at one time viewed him. These, among others, are the thoughts that fill your head.
Still, most of us have had this person in our lives. It's my belief it's both a good and a bad thing to love someone that much, meaning without boundaries. The good being, you should let someone all the way in to let yourself really love, it's the only way to really know; the other being it may quite literally knock the wind out of you.
But one thing I absolutely believe is losing the person you think is "the one" isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is for a few reasons. First and foremost, no matter how much you've heard this, or may be rolling your eyes as you hear it again now, if you lost this person, he or she likely wasn't "the one." It's just true.
Secondly, this whole "the one" concept is a bit of a slippery slope as it is. As Carrie Bradshaw famously and pretty accurately stated: "The idea that there's only one out there? Just shoot me right now."
If you are a believer in "the one," I understand; I've been there. But if you've lost that person you thought was your soulmate — well, then I'm here to tell you that it's not the travesty you think it is. I can almost guarantee that you too will want to slap yourself in the face forever thinking you'd never be happy again.
Until then, here are five reasons you're better off losing this person you once viewed as your soulmate.
1. You'll Be More Open-Minded
There were a couple breakups and reconciliations with the person formerly thought of as "the one", and even during the breaks, I was convinced he wasn't keeping me from moving on with someone else. My dad was the one to tell me otherwise, saying it was like I had blinders on. And he was right.
The fact is, thinking there is only one person for you just isn't the right mindset in general. It can and very likely will close you off to many different things, and in this case, people. It's like thinking you'll only like one cookie in your entire life when you haven't even TRIED a snickerdoodle. When you escape this one-track-mindset, you'll likely find out there are many other flavors out there you like... possibly even more.
2. You'll Know What You Want
Nothing makes you turn a magnifying glass more on yourself than when you lose someone you were planning your life with, especially because you were planning that life for two. Without "the one" in the way, you get to ask yourself the best question ever: What do I want? No repercussions. No compromises.
Nothing is more fulfilling than putting all eyes on you to really get at the core of what you want in life. Losing "the one," while excruciating painful, is one of those most freeing, and character-building things you can experience. Use it, and get to know yourself and your desires even more.
3. You'll Know What You DON'T Want
Equally as important as knowing what you want, is knowing what you don't want. Odds are plenty of "never again" items will arise after your breakup with this soul-shaker of a person. For me, one such items was not dating someone again whose family I wasn't close with — that was something I learned was important to me, and didn't have with "the one."
Sure, with every new relationship, comes new compromises — but be a little selfish after losing this person. You know there were things you could do without. Write down a list of those dealbreakers, it's a great feeling to know they're out of your life.
4. You'll Explore New Dating Horizons
Someone call Dr. Seuss, because "Oh the places you'll go." However long it may take you to be ready to date again, and there are of course those inevitable people you date post breaking up with "the one", one thing is for sure: you are going to date people you never thought you would.
Best part? Even when it's terrible, it's awesome — because nothing opens your eyes to new opportunities more than dating outside the box.
5. You'll Appreciate The Love You Find Next Even More
And this time, you'll be too happy to even care if he or she is "the one."
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