Office Christmas parties bring out a side of your coworkers you probably never even knew existed. You might have thought a coworker was a really together sort of person, only to find they're a TMI-style emotional drunk once the party gets started. There's something about holiday festivities that bring out a really weird side in people. That, and all the alcohol. Which is the why the office party is a great place to really get to know your coworkers — like, really, really, really get to know them. You might not always like what you learn (sh*t can get dark), but hey, life isn't all just the way you like it.
Observing your coworkers at your Christmas party is like Gorillas In The Mist. It's a scientific observation as much as it is about general enjoyment. You'll watch them beat their chests, blend into the scenery, fall down or yell. They'll be like specimens of a foreign species, a tiny swath of delicate humanity for you to study. Meanwhile, don't forget that they're looking at you the exact same way. So ask yourself, what kind of person do you become at your office Christmas party? Here's the people your coworkers will become...
1. Your New BFF
Your work friend is about to become your best friend! The person you casually banter with in the office, sometimes roll your eyes at in boring meetings, have lunch with when you can manage to get away from your desk, will totally evolve at the Christmas party. It's the person you have most in common with at your work place, who, if you met outside of work, would still be friends with. And with no work to hamper your friendship at the Christmas party, plenty of booze and the fact that you're watching the rest of your coworkers devolve into caricatures of themselves, you'll become besties in no time.
2. Creepy McCreeperson
There's always one person who takes the creepiest just a little too far at the Christmas party. They talk to you so close you can smell the booze on their breath, or put their hand on your hip in that way that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable when they're walking by you. This person is probably totally personable sober, but at Christmas time they're on the prowl.
3. Jokesy McGee
The self proclaimed "class clown" or "office joker" has been saving up his/her best material for the Christmas party and you can be confident you're going to hear it. And if you follow them around for the night, you'll get to hear them repeating the same jokes over and over again, as if they think there might suddenly be a comedy talent scout employed at your office.
4. TMI Tammy
I love TMI Tammy. That's the person who, normally tight-lipped, has a couple of wines and starts cussing like a pirate and talking about poop. This is my favorite discovery about a person: that someone I thought was all straight-laced is actually a disgusting fart face just like me.
5. Emotional Eddie
And then there's the person who drinks too much and winds up crying in the bathroom while you have to listen to them give you a blow-by-blow of their last break-up...
6. Honesty Honestman
Honesty Honestman is another great one. It's the person who, armed with liquid courage, isn't afraid to whisper to you about how much of a jerk your boss really is, and how much their job sometimes sucks. Meanwhile, sober, during the week, this person seems to love your boss, tolerates their sh*t, and looks positively joyful while doing their job. It's a very humanizing moment when you learn everyone has a bad day from time to time.
7. Party Hardy
This is often attributable to more than one person. It involves a lot of drinking, and a lot of next day water cooler conversation that's either "I never knew Party Hardy had it in him/her!" or in the worst case scenario, gossip involving vomit, photocopier sex, or both.