I can say proudly that I am a hopeless romantic. When I'm in a relationship, I am fully immersed in the experience by being fully committed. But like everything else, there are a few things that you shouldn't tolerate while you are in a relationship. Being committed to another person doesn't mean that you have to give up who you are in order for it to work. Sometimes people lose sight of that and then wonder why the relationship went south.
Romance provides a view of the world through rose-colored glasses, and it's hard to think rationally in the midst of it all, sometimes. While not everyone's romantic relationship will last, you should never see it as regrettable, but as a lesson learned. Love is a very fragile thing, and should be taken equally seriously by both partners. Sometimes when people feel comfortable in their courtships, they don't see the damage that is being done to themselves as an individual. While everyone searches for love, many don't understand the effect it can have on someone's mind. Some lose sight of who they are, while others choose to ignore their dreams because they want the relationship to work. And while, of course, not all love is full of disrespect, there are a few key qualities that one shouldn't tolerate when involved in a relationship. Here are nine things you should never give up in a relationship.
1. Your Independence
The freedom that you have when you are able to do as you please should never take a back seat when it comes to your relationship. While it's normal to make certain sacrifices for the one you love, you should never feel like you don't have control in your own life. Love should be about allowing two independent people to celebrate one another, while still allowing themselves to be, well, themselves. If you feel that the relationship is becoming one sided, then you need to address it. No one should feel like they are trapped in a relationship because they don't have the independent freedom to do as they please.
2. Your Happiness
The way you perceive the world should be positive. A relationship should bring out the best in you and lift you higher, not make you depressed. Even though it is completely normal to go through emotional stress in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, you should never dread the thought of your significant other. Trust me, as someone who has been in a relationship with someone for six years, there will be times when you and your SO will have trouble in paradise. It just depends on how well you both communicate with each other to get past the bump in the road, to be happy again.
3. Your Dreams And Goals
These two things are what make you, you. Your dreams, goals, and passions are vital to keeping your happiness alive. Once you start giving those up, you could lose sight of what makes you different and unique. A relationship should always support your dreams. It should never destroy you or belittle your passions. Just because your SO and you don't have the same dreams or passions doesn't mean it's not going to work out or that you have to change yours to mimic theirs. Being opposites is a good thing, and should actually be valued instead of looked at negatively.
4. Your Self-Respect
Never, ever, ever let someone disrespect you to the point that you lose respect for yourself. Someone who loves you and is committed to you should always treat you with decency and respect. No one should call you ugly names or talk down to you. Always make sure to stand your ground and call out the person who is making you feel bad. This is always unacceptable and if it's happening consistently, then it's time to reevaluate the situation.
5. Your Beliefs
What you choose to believe in is a vital part of who you are. Not every couple will believe in the same thing. Whether you both have different views on politics or religion, your partner should never disrespect how to see the world. But your beliefs should be talked about, respectfully. If you see a future with this person, these beliefs and views are vital to see how compatible you are with that person. If you feel you are constantly arguing about your beliefs, then it might be time to let the relationship go.
6. Your Friends And Family
Never let go of your friends or family because your significant other doesn't like them or doesn't understand them. Unless a friend or family member is toxic for your life and is actually doing more harm than good, there is no reason to give up on a friendship because your significant other doesn't like someone in your life. Not everyone has to like everyone, but there does need to be respect. While resentment can occur when one prevents another from hanging out with their friends or family, this is also actually a form of abuse and could be very emotionally destructive.
7. Your Privacy
There is nothing like being so comfortable with someone that you can hang around them 24/7. Even if it's just watching TV or going out to eat, you never feel like you have to speak to fill silence. Your privacy, on the other hand, does need to be honored. A lot of people need to embrace their independence by being alone or hanging out with friends. Don't take it the wrong way if your SO wants some time alone. Think of it as a chance for your partner to recharge. If you feel that the relationship is becoming one sided, then you need to address it. But if you feel you are always chasing after them to hang out, listen to your gut — 99 percent of the time it knows what it is talking about. Your SO having privacy shouldn't never make you feel neglected. That is the difference.
8. Your Identity
Who you are as a person is very important to maintain while you are in a relationship. Sometimes, couples morph into the same person and their identities can slowly become singular, instead of separate and unique. While this correlates with previous points, it's important to note that there was a reason why that person fell in love with you in the first place. It's natural to change while one might be in a relationship, but it's also important to not lose sight of who you are. I've seen a person change their identity and thought process to be more like their boyfriend/girlfriend, and didn't end well. Being confident in who you are is sexier than conforming because you believe that is what they want. Let someone love you for you.
9. Your Ability To Make Decisions
You, as a person, have the right to make your own decisions. You shouldn't feel controlled every single moment of your day. Just because your partner thinks their decision is the right one, it's best to discuss both sides before coming to a conclusion, especially when it is pertaining to money. If you and your partner can communicate well about your logic and feelings, then you can be honest as to why you think your decision is the right one. Don't let them control you to the point where you can't think for yourself. It's never a good idea to be completely dependent on another person.
In the end, love should be about mutual respect and admiration. Understand that not every relationship is perfect, but don't fall victim to characteristics that you don't need to tolerate. You deserve better than that.
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